In Loving Memory of
Elfriede Goldberg nee Nielsen
July 1915 – June 1945 Husum
Walter Goldberg
23.3.1893 – 1.4.1942 Lodz
Kurt Goldberg
16.10.1919 –? 1942 Lodz
Werner Goldberg
2.11.1923 – 16.4.1942 Lodz
Hans Christian Goldberg
27.11.1932 – 20.3.1942 Lodz
Jewish but not a Jew
mother not Jewish
borne in Germany not a German
father a Jew!
Elfriede Goldberg nee Nielsen
July 1915 – June 1945 Husum
Walter Goldberg
23.3.1893 – 1.4.1942 Lodz
Kurt Goldberg
16.10.1919 –? 1942 Lodz
Werner Goldberg
2.11.1923 – 16.4.1942 Lodz
Hans Christian Goldberg
27.11.1932 – 20.3.1942 Lodz
Jewish but not a Jew
mother not Jewish
borne in Germany not a German
father a Jew!
Lodz/Poland = from 1939 – 1945 called Litzmannstadt
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C5%81%C3%B3d%C5%BA_Ghetto
17 Members of our GOLDBERG Family has been
murdered during the Nazi regime
but compensation by special German amended Law
can only be claimed for immediate family members
like parents and siblings.
For instant our father and three brothers
four Jewish life’s total valued by Germany
(Wiedergutmachung) called “MAKE WELL AGAIN”
below US $10.000 in 1956-1961
!
INTRODUCTION
to the autobiography of
Ernest Goldberg the personal life and struggle of growing up being part Jewish in Nazi Germany.
With the life long quest from the age of 9 searching to find a soul mate and partner for eternity and the disappointment never finding just one true and honest faithful mate.
***************
I do not know where I come from,
I do not know why I’m here
I do not know where I’m going
and what is the reason off it all!
************
I had a Jewish father and a Christian mother due to me borne in Germany during the Nazi regime I have been christened at my birth but feel more Jewish than a Christian most likely from the treatment I received due to my Jewish name growing up in Nazi Germany.
Maybe interesting to people with Jewish or partly Jewish heritage.
With a message to all people considering enterig in to a intermarriage,
no matter how much in love you are! Go ahead it is your right and choice so live with it and enjoy your love and life.
But before being selfish by thinking to bring innocent children in this world and the possible burden you inflict up on them, with the possibility for them of not being accepted by either site of religion or race, being therefore outsiders for ever during there whole life, ask your self the question; are you being fair?
to the autobiography of
Ernest Goldberg the personal life and struggle of growing up being part Jewish in Nazi Germany.
With the life long quest from the age of 9 searching to find a soul mate and partner for eternity and the disappointment never finding just one true and honest faithful mate.
***************
I do not know where I come from,
I do not know why I’m here
I do not know where I’m going
and what is the reason off it all!
************
I had a Jewish father and a Christian mother due to me borne in Germany during the Nazi regime I have been christened at my birth but feel more Jewish than a Christian most likely from the treatment I received due to my Jewish name growing up in Nazi Germany.
Maybe interesting to people with Jewish or partly Jewish heritage.
With a message to all people considering enterig in to a intermarriage,
no matter how much in love you are! Go ahead it is your right and choice so live with it and enjoy your love and life.
But before being selfish by thinking to bring innocent children in this world and the possible burden you inflict up on them, with the possibility for them of not being accepted by either site of religion or race, being therefore outsiders for ever during there whole life, ask your self the question; are you being fair?
DEAD MAN WALKIN
Seventy-five years of age; lonely, depressed, lost; all dreams shattered… too old to begin again caused me to feel that life was as good as over. Even I could live for another twenty odd years.
It feels like only yesterday. It was much the same. I felt lost and very lonely. My mother had died. I was 9 years old; the year 1945 one month after the end of the Second World War.
I was borne in Hamburg in November 1935; the third child of Elfriede and Walter Goldberg.
Hitler used his authority to abuse the innocent Jewish population. To save me being included in this tyranny I was urgently christened in a Lutheran church, but still retained my Jewish identity: With the name Goldberg; My first name Ernest meaning serious and honest, being like a curse to me as all my life I being to serious and to honest.
The meaning of my last name "Goldberg" is the surname of German origin; common among Ashkenazi Jews.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashkenazi_Jews )
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Ashkenazi Jews |
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Our mother had been forced to divorce our father; out of necessity to keep her, my sister and me surviving in Germany she re-married; to an Oskar Buetner and we were able to use his name. The name change no longer identified us Jewish, my grandfather the stepfather of my mother, a strong supporter of Hitler did not permit any Jews into his home if out of fair for the new German Law or not having any contact with Jews or out of personal believes I do not know.
Our father, my three year old brother and my two half-brothers from my dad’s previous marriage were arrested and taken to Neuengame Concentration Camp in an outer suburb of Hamburg.
In 1940 we saw our father and Hans Christian once more, they had come to say goodbye, to us and our mother.
I was in the evening and our place had most lights switched of our mum and dad stood in the very dark door way hall, talking to each other, our dad had his head completely covered in bandages looking like the legendary man in the film the “Invisible Man”. He was not allowed to tell or explain what had happened to him.
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He only told us that he and Christian were to be deported to China. (That and a Chinese love story by Pearls Buck I had read later in life, could maybe explain or influenced my interest in China and my lifelong fascination for Asian woman).
My sister and me were happy to see Christian again and played together by running around the large billiard tables at the hotel understanding very little of it all then he suddenly left with our father and we never saw either of them ever again.
I personal was very close to my mother, there were many times when I she shared her bed, cuddling up to her as she was always nice and warm holding me close and tight.
I usually bin the one going and enjoyed shopping with my mother; we walked with her holding my hand making frequent stops to buy the daily requirements for home.
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We lived in an large apartment building in the city of Hamburg it was a ten story building witch had below the ground floor very large storage-cellar rooms supposed to keep us save if the building ever got hit, the place we had gone every time when we did heard the sirens to warn us of an upcoming air raid over Hamburg.
The cellar rooms were always crowded with lots of people living in the many apartments above in the building. The first night we not had gone in to these cellar of this building it had been bombed and burned out, where many people had died that night the place that we had gone during most all previous air raids, but that night I do not know why, we stayed in the beer room in the cellar of our Hotel witch had been declared the safest room of these large building. From then on we lived in the hotel rooms spending many nights in the beer cellar where about six wooden barrels of beer been connected for the bar upstairs with many other full and empty barrels stored also in this room what made this room having a very strong smell of stale Beer witch did turn me of beer forever, matter effect of any alcohol.
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I also started my first year of school from there I remember my sister had morning class eight a.m. to one p.m. I had to go in the afternoon one p.m. till five p.m. I did not wanted to walk alone to school so I went with my sister to school in the morning, surprisingly I was not the only one turned up at the wrong time and we attended a special class and but I also was able to walk home with my sister that day, but never tried it again.
Only a short time later a special air raid warning made our mother take us to the exclusive build air raid bunker witch was about forty meter high, without any windows and six meters wide strong concrete walls. Here we did waited a very long, noisy and scary night with even this very strong and large bunker shaking enormously, as it did finally stopped in the morning we gone outside we could not see any sky it was dark like it was still middle off the night, due from too much smoke blocking out any sunlight because for miles around us every building was burning after being bombed, with many already had burned to the ground including our hotel were many people had died
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Only a short time later a special air raid warning made our mother take us to the exclusive build air raid bunker witch was about forty meter high, without any windows and six meters wide strong concrete walls. Here we did waited a very long, noisy and scary night with even this very strong and large bunker shaking enormously, as it did finally stopped in the morning we gone outside we could not see any sky it was dark like it was still middle off the night, due from too much smoke blocking out any sunlight because for miles around us every building was burning after being bombed, with many already had burned to the ground including our hotel were many people had died
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during that horror night.
The destruction and inferno impossible to describe, part and fully burned corpses lying everywhere, most likely from people jumped out of burning buildings.
A little canary bird flew on to my mum’s shoulder, terrified by all the fires around us, it smelt; no it stank off burned flesh everywhere. All of us including the bird walked through the streets towards the main road trying our best to avoid the many some still burning or smouldering debris covering the road in many places; we were hoping to find transport to take us to our grandparents home.
The bird and my love for animals made me even at that age thinking about all the many poor animals got trapped in places without being able to escape and had to die a horrible way of burning to death.
I also was wondering if my little friend I often played with, a girl the same age as me, witch use to live across the road from us would be alive and alright after seeing her parents’ house the tobacconist shop also had been bombed and burned to the ground. My thoughts went for a moment in to the past as we must have been about three and a halve to four years old, Ingrid my lttle
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Hamburg 1943
friend had no brothers being an only child, one day both of us were playing behind the very large wooden hallway doors she insisted to have a closer look at me, so I dropped my pants, she had a close look and lifted it up telling me it’s very small my daddies is very big, I ask her; did he shown it to you, no he shown it to my mum and I did peek; so what I thought he is very big, for me it was
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We kept walking we had no idea if our grandparents home was still standing but started to make the long trip to go there, the tram towards the city were running, but very slowly, some parts we had to wait for the trucks to be cleared, the destruction was looking everywhere much the same, we finally got to Niendorf an outer suburb of Hamburg, even here many houses been destroyed, but our grandparent house not have been bombed or damaged.
A few days later we left minus the bird who stayed with my grandmother, but plus my aunty and her son, by train from Hamburg to a small county town named Pulitz halfway between Hamburg and Berlin only about 100 km from Hamburg, at time of leaving, my grandmother given me a paper bag of plums from her
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Pulitz was an extremely nice small country town with a natural spring in form of a water fountain next to the very
large old church the water tasted great and we drank it every day, it was similar to a nice soft drink.
We were now living in the cellar rooms of the local flower mill, which was next to a large pond, here we went swimming, and all children had lots of fun, my cousin went in to deep one day and did not come up again I noticed that and pulled him out, beside him spewing a lot of water he was fine but the action saving him from certain drowning, I had many years later on certain days in live often regretted I had done.
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We only stayed at Putliz a very short time, at school in I remember we were preparing for a special school fete I really have been looking forward to as due to place shortage in Hamburg I never experienced such fun at school. The day before late in the evening our stepfather a Hamburg police man always well informed who also changed our name from Goldberg to Buetner, (what’s in a name? Very, very much, the different between being human or not in other word Jewish or human in the mind of many German people) He told us we had to leave immediately, about three a.m. that night, we being told not to talk or make any noise, we walked very quietly to the train station, on the way we past the school and I felt very sad, we would miss all the fun the next day we had done a lot of work and prepared for.
We did arrive at midday back at my grandparent’s home. The bird having a nice new cage and seem to enjoy his new home, a few days later we did leave again minus our aunty and her son both of them staying home this time, we went to Drelsdorf a village near Husum about 200km north of Hamburg, on arrival that night we slept in the local picture theatre on the floor with well over hundred other people organized by German special
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Getting close to the end of the war the shops were all empty it was impossible to buy desperately needed food not even with our special food ration cards; to survive we had to go from farm to farm trying to trade all sorts of goods for food, for instant for meat, bread backed and butter made by the local farmers.
Me still always accompanying my mum where ever she went, I remember one day an enemy plane was trying shoot at us, as we been crossing a field we run very fast and jumped in to a ditch rolling from one side to the other with my mother mostly lying on top of me trying to protect me from getting hurt the pilot was unable to get a clear shot at us, and flew away, I was than 8 years old.
Few days later I noticed a humming noise looking up in to the sky I seen what it was, very many plain’s looking like little black crosses very high up in the sky.
That evening due to some paper flyers had fallen from the sky with a warning, to attack and flatten Husum in the
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The next day we walked through the fields and not very far found a very large hole with a big airplane engine, but nothing else the rest could have been miles away or very deep in the ground of the large hole.
Husum was not bombed that night or any other night at least it has not been flattened it would have been a shame it is a very nice town and the birth place of one of my favoured poet “Theodor Storm” who has written many beautiful stories including about great descriptions and poems of this town in northern Germany.
In the year 1945; in May Germany surrendered we went to school that morning with our usually forced, greeting the
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The following day we all being forced to stay at home and inside the houses no one was allowed on the street, as the English Armey trucks and tanks accompanied by same marching soldiers were driving and marching through the streets of the village, me looking from behind the curtain being very curies what there would look like, called out to everyone; come here, have a look there look exactly like us, expecting some very odd nasty scary looking creatures, like Martians to walk through, definitely not people looking humans like us.
Two month later my mother had to go to the Hamburg hospital on the way to the bus stop she fell and broke her leg, she came home by ambulance with her leg in plaster, this had forced her to go to the local hospital instead to
the big city hospital, something terrible happen she died I was 9 year old as I got the terrible news, did now instantly
what that meant, I lost my mum I had accompanied where 16
Our mum must have known how serious it could be with her, she arranged a ex German army lady to take care of us, a very lazy and hopeless women, we had to do all the house work and I had to go across to the neighbour’s house to light her cigarettes on their large open kitchen fire, at least ten twelve times a day, that how I learnt to smoke at nine years of age.
About three month later our mothers husband and father of our younger brother and sister turned up and took us back to Hamburg after first having a terrible screaming argument with the women, but then later sleeping that night with her, obviously forgiving her for not been looking after us properly. In the city he gave my sister and I tram fare and our grandparents address telling us to go there.
With no one expecting us the big question was there, what
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(I often ask myself later in live, how come no one ever cared what happen to us after our mother had died.)
My mother’s sister had the fantastic brain wave, what a great advantage it would and could be to have Jewish orphan children in their home, due to minimum housing in Hamburg, assessment being made and everybody had to
give up some rooms to people without housing, this would make them save from having to rent rooms out to strangers, the house where only a few years earlier we were not be allowed to enter, be course our father was a Jew even we had been christened at birth being Lutheran to protect us from the Nazis.
Now it would be a great advantage to be Jewish and it took our aunty only a very short time to take advantages she suddenly had relative in America sending her food parcels, of course that what we have been told it’s for them and we did see very little of it the facts are it has been from helpful American trying to assist any Jewish people still alive in Germany, our aunty found daily advantages for having taken in Jewish orphan’s in to their home, we of course had to take on our Jewish name on declaring us to be full Jewish to everyone to gain for
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We started school our teacher a former Hitler boy’s leader, very well informed about us, started to ask a lot of question about our family and what happen to them?
I did refused to answer any of his personal question in front of the whole class, he decided than to ask my sister being one year older, but due to minimum space at school in the same classroom, who answered all question clearly and truthfully, it was a big mistake with very terrible consequences, as school finished for the day, I was attacked by many screaming boys calling out; you bloody Jew why you still alive? Why didn’t you die?
(so much to the truth that most German did not know about the killing of the Jews as only open discussion at home could have informed the children) (in German laguage dreckiker Jude)
With the teacher walking pass us with a great smiling grin on his face it did look like he archived exactly what he planned or wanted.
My sister had little trouble with the girls and was very lucky to escape any of these treatment, for me it had become a daily ritual after school for many months, till one day as I was attacked again in the school ground during our lunch break I grabbed the
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biggest and worst attacker and hit him very hard in to the face, he screamed out very loud and dropped on the ground, the teacher came instantly and I was punished with detention I had to stay one hour longer at school, this was great, for the first time I was able to walk home in peace without being attacked or been called names like; you bloody Jew.
At our new home it has not been much better our aunty, my mother’s sister made my sister and me go to go to the
park on weekends to befriend some American soldiers to score some presents, what we did, being extremely lucky as we only meat very nice genuine American guys who missed their family at home and where happy to talk to some kids and had nothing bad in mind we both would had no idea of any possible danger what any of this meetings did represented, she herself brought a different army guy of all and any nationalities home every single night. She had one child, from on German sailor a boy five years younger than me, a real pest who made my life very difficult most days he could do anything to me if I was fighting back I got in to serious trouble.
My aunty was in her early twenties, good looking and an 20
legs exposing a view up her dress, me being a young boy of course enjoying looking up her dress seeing the colour of her pretty panties, a terrible sick fetish I hated, as it was like a curse witch stayed with me all my live, when a view was offered I was mostly unable to resist to have a look, often an embarrassing habit for them but also for me.
With relation I did completely avoided to look under any circumstances and found them being careless and showing off very embarrassing and avoided to look, my sister walking one day around in her panties, I made sure she realized I did not like it, with my step daughter I remember her growing up with me from very small onwards I told her many times to cover up or to close her legs as a lady would never be sitting like that. I was borne with a very strong and great sense of what was right and wrong, for what I was very grateful, and made all my life sure I always have a clear conscience in no matter what ever I did during my whole live, but also been a very weak and much too soft person, I can’t stand see any one getting hurt, especially not children or animals, easily have tears in my eyes at sad stories or movies, a weakness I always have tried to hide, I also felt easily being
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year old son and I and appreciated it very much, wishing and hopping one day I would have a beautiful relationship like that.
At the last year at school, our class the boys had been chosen to learn cooking and sewing at school we had to use the machine but were unable to handle the brand new sewing machine.
I used nothing else but common sense showing her how to operate the machine by sewing an apron witch we had previously cut out, an apron with very big pockets we wanted to make as a Christmas present for our regular teacher’s wife.
I had no problem, it was very easy, and even I never used a sewing machine previously what no one wanted to believe me. (About thirty years Later I found out my grandfather and great-grandfather were Taylor’s it must have been something I inherited or in my blood) Everyone after that tried to convince me that I had to become a Taylor.
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The amount was six times the amount of my first monthly paid wages from witch I had to pay them as well two third as board, even our pension continued in full. The left over pay was just sufficient for fare and lunch for the month.
I did found a job, my aunty wanted to take me to find a job by telling any future boss how desperate this Jewish orphan boy needed a job.
That terrified me and I went by myself to the city to find a job, I started to ask at the first and number one Taylor in the city centre right across of the large city town hall the most expansive man’s outfitter in Hamburg there had no vacancy. I went next door to number two, the Hungarian boss was so impressed that I had the nerve to confront him by myself he told me to start on the first of April 1950, no one thought it was possible that I was able to find such a top job all by myself, but I started to work.
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My aunty after all the military was removed from Hamburg with
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For a while life had become to be better, I build myself a bike from pieces I searched for and found on the local
rubbish dump not far from our home.
With two friends from our neighbourhood I had by now we undertake many long bike trips, as tires on the bike I used old pieces off garden hose not an easy way to ride a bike but I was young strong and determent.
One weekend we went to Grossensee-Luetkensee / Big Lake-Small Lake a place with two lakes about 12 km out of Hamburg. At the local dance hall we went to on that night, I saw a girl her face instantly fascinated me, early in the morning we walked with her and her friend, watching in the distance the sun rising I tried everything to talk her in to it, seeing her again she was not willing but then I said, what about in two month there was a special dance on, I had noticed the advertisement on the dance hall door on the way out, are you be there and can I see you then? She answered that’s a long time to wait and leaning against me by saying that, doing that to me, I felt
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Then I made a very big mistake, I did ask my sister to join me on a long weekend, we took a tent up intending to stay for the long weekend.
One very nice and really great surprise we had on one day a young girl came up to us and started to ask us question about our names witch had changed from Buetner back to Goldberg, she was the little girl from across the road all grown up now, my little friend I thought of, after leaving the air raid bunker it was nice to see and knowing she has been alive and survived the harrow night.
But me asking my sister to come along was a terrible mistake, she telling my real true age to my girl, I was about six month younger than her, at that young age to anyone very important
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My aunt’s husband was a very nice and friendly typical country guy; often I went with him to work at night and on the weekend helping him, with his private after hour job’s building fireplaces or tiling bathrooms.
But then it all changed due to my cousin as he one day as I was doing some gardening, called out to me from the top of the stairs I looked up and he spit in my face, I screamed out and called him names my aunty came running and told me he is only playing and to leave him alone.
In the evening as her husband came home she told him I was calling her names; he without asking any question hit me with his fist in the face I was fifteen he was a very big strong hard working man.
I left home, swore never to return, my grandmother a very small, lovely but very week woman living constantly under the thumb of her only remaining daughter had to agree, as it may be for the best and for peace sake in the house, my grandfather the stepfather of my mother
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I went to a government run boys home not having the slightest inclination most the people running this places got the jobs from the German government for good services in the former German Armey many involved in the German “final solution” this was the name for the fast and quick extermination of all Jewsof any and all concentration camps, to remove all evidence and the inmates by killing them before the end of the war, the question by these mass killers been? How come I was still alive? Living in Germany? Within three week’s I was moved in to a closed boys home for hard uncontrollable boys mostly with an criminal records I was accused of stealing two mark not sufficient to buy anything, I never met my accuser or have been proven guilty I just been send there and now had to work at a government hospital for free as a kitchen hand, now for the privilege I was working for them for free the boys home also collected my orphan pension money.
In my desperation I wrote a letter to the Israeli government
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Hamburg contacted me and explained very nicely to me that I my feel and get treated like a Jew due to my name, but I’m not really a Jew as my mother was not Jewish and the Jewish religion follows the mother, (after the old Greek saying mothers are always sure) he was very nice and trying to give me plenty of camel cigarettes and also promised me, to look in to my case.
There must have done something then a week later I was send to a half way home. But that’s all; with nothing to do but walking the streets in Hamburg famous nightlife district, very close to the Home, where a few years later in one of the bars the unknown English band the Beatle where performing daily.
I made a friend at the home who ask me to come with him hitchhiking to the south of Germany, I had nothing better to do I said ok, and we left the following morning it was winter in Germany and freezing cold we hitchhiked
all the way to Cologne a big city on the river Rheine it was carnival time and I found a job instantly, selling tickets in the fun park.
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After the carnival was over I travelled further now by myself to Mainz, Heidelberg and then on to Munich Germanys most southern city, were it is in March bitter cold, the only place it was reasonable to sit or walk around was at the very large railway station. I did this for a few days; then decided to go back to Hamburg and bought with my last money a train ticket back to Hamburg for the train leaving early next morning. During that night I got picked up by the railway police putting me in to a cell soon I walked in as I was asked by my cellmate if I have killed someone as well, what made it difficult for me to find much sleep.
The next morning I got interviewed by a police sergeant he reminded me of the old Hitler’s Gestapo – What’s your name? Ernst, I paused; me recognizing the type of person in front of me, the reason I nearly said Buetner my name during the war, but I said Goldberg are you Jewish? No but your name is Jewish. Why you not home with your parents?
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camp, why? There took him away, who? The German police, you bloody liar the Germans would never do such things. Removing his pistol from his holster placing it in front of him on the desk got up and to hit me hard across the face I made not a sound, he left the room with his pistol still on the desk most probably not even loaded, he returned 10 minutes later with two guards removed the pistol by placing it back in his holster he looking surprised or more like disappointed I did not took it, if I did, I know I would have been dead. Instead I was put back in to the cell. I never received my not cheap rail ticked back I’m sure the dirty cop cashed in at the railway ticket office and pocketed the cash.
In the afternoon I was taken out of the cell and after a long drive placed in a closed juvenile delinquent home, were I got interviewed many times but treated very well had great food and a warm bed to sleep in.
A very young guard was trying to make friends with me
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It all sounded all very nasty what he said, him telling me that how you have to treat a woman, I wrote very small as he told me to do, to fit it all on a postcard but had no intention ever to send such nasty words to anyone, I left the card on the table as I went to sleep next day it was gone I thought the cleaner my had put it into the bin that what I was hoping for, I was wrong my friendly sounding guard had posted it.
I still do not know if he really believed it would help or he was a plain simple nasty sadistic person.
I was taken back to Hamburg by train with a personal guard like a really tuff criminal and placed in Hamburg back in to government closed youth home just outside of Hamburg and now had to work on the land, surprisingly not for free, instead only for roam and board in this home my pension was put in a trust fund. I found out later less the cost of train fare back to Hamburg for me and the guard.
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At the beginning I had some problem with some boys a Jewish name just did that in Germany at the time, it was
the upbringing of children by fanatic German Hitler followers and Germany had plenty of them. But I was
prepared, as the biggest and largest laud mouth there, was calling me names I took one hit, he went on his knees, screaming and no one dared to call me names again. I got weekend detention for it, but that was ok as I had no one to visit anyway, the boy walked around for days with a huge black eye to remind everyone else not to mess with me.
After many month I was released into on open boys home, but now very sick with terrible stomach pain made worst by certain food like dark bread, complaining about it created more problem for me, by simply only being given food coursing me pain, one day after a very bad painful night, I went to a private doctor, who given me a letter for the home supervisor telling them to take me to a hospital for check-up or he will personal take action against them, 34
He advised me to go on a very strict vegetarian diet and see a good herbalist.
In the time at the hospital I did a lot of reading including a book of a traveller, in this book I read about the Baha’i religion it sounded so impressive to me that I wrote many parts on a piece of paper I always kept and still got it now.
I went back to the home for one night the supervisor apologizing very nicely to me for not taking my previous
complains serious.
The next day I finally was allowed to get some money from my pension trust fund. I bought a newspaper looking to rent a room
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Till I was eighteen I was a worried about the youth workers I do not know if there have given up or I been lucky there just could not find me, but I never heard from any of them again.
I joined the E.U. Europe Union again I had years earlier some contact with them, on a special night with a famous speaker I notice a young girl kept looking at me, she left early and I stopped myself from following her, mostly I been very shy but on the following weekend at an well announced demonstration I was looking for her in the city centre. There must have been a few thousand people there to my surprise I did found her immediately in less than a minute I said hi, we stayed together during the
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Her father she never met or remembers was not with their mother who got married again and all her children all grown up in homes, only going to their mother sometime on weekends. During the week she was working as an apprentice learning dressmaking. Both sisters had already children, not knowing who the father was and her brother was at sea working as a sailor. When her older sisters brought her boyfriend’s home her mother had tried to seduce them, her name was Ulla similar to that of my sister. I thought a lonely and nice girl, pretty as well and with all her problem knowing what damage unfaithfulness brought I was very sure she always is trying to stay out of trouble.
The next weekend we went to Grossensee, I still hoping to catch a glimpse of my ex-girlfriend I went there many times but only saw her ones, she completely ignored me, I think she got my nasty postcard witch I was hoping did ended in the garbage bin, obviously not.
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Austria; I was very disappointed as after her return she was different and cold towards me. We stopped seeing each other soon after.
With the help of the Jewish office in Hamburg I filled out a lot of papers for the German government to pay us some money for the killing of my father and brothers only to found out that our legal government appointed guardian had signed papers for us rejecting any payment for the action against the Jews during the war.
The Jewish office has helped me to find a Jewish guardian, Prof. Dr. Hans Joachim Lang an professor of the English language on the university in Hamburg a very nice and very friendly guy a true gentleman I can never understand or imagine a nice person like that people want to hate and kill just because he is Jewish, he took my previous guardian to court for not acting on our behalf I than found out he was also responsible to given our first teacher his friend all our private information, nothing
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The Jewish office proven to me a great connection as there also helped me to get me in to a vegetarian private clinic to recover from my stomach ulcers where I stayed for three month, and after wards there helped me finding me a handyman and cleaning job at Real Film studio in Hamburg owned and run by Walter Koppel and GyulaTrebitsch. I met many famous people there and I did watch many hours the filming of many movies and decided take acting lesson.
I did do some stage work and some extras at filming, the pay was extremely good but I personal felt very lost and lonely, often I did worked home from the city a good two hour work when I saw happy couples working together I felt depresed with no friend,
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I met one elderly guy on the theatre who asked me to visit him on the weekend. My answer to him was; no thanks I’m not that way inclined, what do you mean? I’m a married man, that maybe so, but I know better, how do you know? I can hear it in your voice, that is a very strange, I been told that only once in my live before, as I was very young by another Goldberg with the stage name of Max Montor (translated French for Goldberg) I said he could be a distant relation, but I do not know him.
On my long works home I often thought how nice it would be to be married and dreamt of having a little girl child to love and spoil praying to god please send me someone I could have to love.
On the start of a long weekend feeling very lonely I rang Ulla ask how she was? Telling her I’m going to Grossensee today, she asks me if she can come, without hesitation I said yes. From that time onwards we did
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But due to my persistent personal question about Ulla’s dad during the shopping I did had sufficient info, to find out where he was, Ulla met her dad for the first time he has been in a hospital for many years, with multiple sclerosis, his mind was mostly very good and he was very happy to meet Ulla he only seen as a little baby.
Ulla and me got very close I had sex for my first time and young and naïve that I was, I believed very strongly once a women gives herself to you it is forever I was very excited and happy finally had someone in my live I’m belong to and she belong to me.
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I was very naive and really believed to have found my partner for live to share all thoughts with, in other words an everlasting relationship, a true soul mate.
My stage work took me to Berlin Ulla got herself a live-in job as a house keeper to get away from the girls home.
I only lasted a couple of weeks in Berlin I missed my girl I did not wanted to be alone and went back to Hamburg.
We both wanted to be together but had very little money between us.
We went to East Germany to be together, her mother contacted the police try to charge me with kidnapping. We went to Plauen a city in middle Germany we both got a job in an army uniform factory, Ulla on the machine, I was stitching in sleeve I was good and fast a very easy job I soon done the work by myself replacing three other workers we made very good money.
We applied for a marriage license and got married, within a few month Ulla become pregnant and most her pregnancy very sick I had to take her to the hospital it was late and I missed the last bus home and had to walk about 5 km in 25 below freezing a long and freezing cold work.
Few days later I received an offer from Elbe Elster theatre
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A boy, I remember I did ask the doctor in Plauen if I can expect a boy or girl his answer was 60% boy 40% girl he found out by the listening of the heartbeat my answer to him was I do not care what it was but preferable 100% one or the other, he didn’t thought it was funny.
After the season in Wittenberg theatre ended, I received an offer from Rudolstadt theatre where I also secured a job for Ulla as theatre prompter she enjoyed that work very much.
Some month later I received notice of a reasonable amount of money to be paid in Hamburg; due to papers I filled out previously about my father it was sufficient for a deposit for a very small home in Hamburg.
With us both over 21 and married her mother still only reluctantly withdraws the kidnapping charges against me.I did very little
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After 6 month in Hamburg Andreas was borne on a public holiday in most part of the world, Labour Day the 1st of
May 1957 a very surprised pregnancy to me, I never found why she kept it a secret for a very long time.
The very long cold winters in Germany but with the main other reason was, due to our Jewish name, we had very
few friends to hold us in Germany. I asked Ulla one day what she thinks about immigrating she was excited about the idea and on the same day we went to the Australian immigration department witch were looking desperately for more immigrants.
The immigration office took their job very serious it was not sufficient to get x-rayed and checked by numerous doctors, as a final check-up we had to parade one by one split naked in front of the immigration officials a group of women and man checking us out, like buying cattle.
Only one month later we boarded the Castel Felicia, the again just newly engaged immigration ship (due to the sinking of the MS Skaubryn in April), in Bremerhaven
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On the 25th of June 1958 we arrived in Fremantle we received an Australian immigration pass and continued a very ruff see trip to Melbourne where we boarded a train to Bonegilla a camp for new immigrants near Wodonga, where we went by bus too on the first day and our first outing in Australia someone called out my name within the first minute of walking along the main street, I decided it could not be for me as I do not know anyone here, than second later someone tipped me on my shoulder do you not recognize me we went to school together in Hamburg
I did not really remember him and also never saw him again. We also met a Yugoslav guy Mirco that day, who spoke German telling us if we or one of us can find a job we could move from the camp to private accommodation.
It sounded great he told us about the Adeline clothing factory in Albury only 2 km away from Wodonga.
I took the children back to Bonegilla, Ulla went with Mirco to
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I waited and waited did not know what to do or where to turn to in this new and strange country and spend that night the worst time of my life worrying what could had happen to Ulla who finally did come back the next
morning just before breakfast her excuse was, Mirco paid her to clean his house I was very stupid but also very glad to see her alive, I would have believed anything and I still trusted her completely she was my soul mate the mother of my children and all I had in life, beside my two boys.
Yes Ulla also got the job and we moved to Wodonga. Three month later she told me she was pregnant I ask her from Mirco? No she said from someone on the boat, it broke my heart but my live without her was for me unthinkable. After going daily to the local employment office looking for a job and got turned away every single day, I thought if I apply for unemployment money there
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the account at the Commonwealth Bank.
I went that day straight to the bank withdraw all money and left the torn up bankbooks on the counter, than received unemployment money but still no job.
I decided to go to the local council and after many hours of waiting not accepting any excuses I was talking to the Major of the city of Albury. I took all the German brochures along with me and told him I would go back to Germany and let the people know that there no jobs in Australia and trying to stop people from immigrating.
With him telling me I can’t do that as I signed up for two years, me telling him I would go, before my money run out and we would be forced to stay.
On this day as I got home I had a telegram under my door telling me to report to a job at Wodonga railways depot for work. What I did the following morning.
I worked at the railway for 18 month mostly living in railway camps away from home hitchhiking only home on the weekends.
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What surprised me the most was after I met many of their 48
I know many women often prefer the bad guys, the creepy, dangerous even scary guy, as these guys are more adventure promising and seam a lot more fun to many women.
I just can’t do that, how can anyone treat a person there love like that? My problem was I wanted a soul mate and friend not just a woman and sex partner. Very often mostly weekly many of the guys visited the local prostitute, one night after being to the trotting truck five of us in the car returning to camp, the guys decided to visit a local girl, I waited in the car, about 15 minutes later all four came back, very happy having a blow job done, all by one and the same girl, how men can do that and watching each other, being fixed by one girl.
I just wanted to go home to be with my wife and partner.
We rented a unit with shop in north Albury, Ulla was able to do some work at home as dressmaker, I kept on working but
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The following weekend Ulla came to Melbourne left the three children with me and disappeared straight after that.
My landlord the home owner told me I can’t and not be allowed to have three small children in my very small room.
I put all of them in our large push trolley and walked the street all night in to the city for miles and miles the children were asleep I was terrified what the future was holding for me and my babies.
Very early in the morning a police car drove by made a U turn to talk to me, asking me a lot of question than
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We went to the police station and I been told, I would have to go to court the next morning to prove I have accommodation for the children. I court a train to St. Kilda to go to my room; I tried to get some rest and a bit of sleep impossible thinking of the children and Ulla. In the morning just before I had to go to court, Ulla returned, we went to court together and had no problem getting our children back.
We found and rented a large room in Grey street St. Kilda as soon we settled down Ulla told me the news, she is pregnant again now by her Greek boyfriend with whom she is very much in love and he will come to pick her up in two days, two horrible days followed.
Yes he did came to Melbourne but only to apologize to me, saying to me; I do not want to take your wife away, she wants me, I do not want her, now she was shocked, after only a few Minutes ago being so very happy and excited that he had arrived. I said to him what about her being pregnant by him? His answer was it
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I realized than she was no different than her mother or her sisters, matter effect she was exactly the same constantly being in love with fallen in love.
Trying very hard in Melbourne to find proper suitable accommodation what was impossible with three children.
We decided to try Sydney, arriving in Sydney I saw a show case at central railway station with pictures of Baha’i temples from around the world, realizing for the first time ever it was a true religion not just the fiction of some writer imaginations.
Ulla and children waited in Hyde Park I went to the German welfare office very close to there to try to get some help to find accommodation in Sydney, I met an Australian social worker trying everything to help, after I told her part of my horrifying latest experience.
She found a place for the two bigger boys in a boy’s home in Ashfield and another placement for the baby not far away from there, promising it is only for a few days until 52
We got a room in Ashfield without children a very easy task, that night Ulla apologized to me very nicely for the entire problem she had coursed me and only second later was in a very deep sleep.
I thought it cannot be possible for anyone with all that on their mind going to sleep that fast, how anyone could do that? I tried to wake her, it was not possible I called an ambulance, in Melbourne a doctor proscribed me valium tablets I only took one of the pack, the rest were gone I told the ambulance driver my suspicion.
There took her to Ashfield hospital I followed and waited until I was told she was out of danger, after that I walked to our room in Ashfield.
Ulla spend a few days in intensive care and then got transferred to Darlinghurst mental hospital; as trying to take your own life was a criminal offence, I was told and she would have to stay in there for three month. I needed her out, what about my poor children? The Aussie social worker was a big help for Ulla to be released.
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One week two days later well after mid night the police come looking for us to go to the home where the baby had been, he had food poisoning and was not expected to live.
The baby looked nearly black or very dark blue and less half his weight, I never seen anybody that colour being alive a very big different than a few days earlier. The doctor was very good in trying his best and successfully made him fully recover.
Not able to find accommodation I bought a large tent and we went to a camping ground in Penrith, Ulla had her baby in Penrith hospital I given her the name Verena, I was not willing to give her my favourable name Veronica I
had chosen at 15 if I ever would have a daughter, and I also refused to give her the name Goldberg she was borne using her mother’s maiden name. I could not have every year another Goldberg unrelated to me, beside that I was still young and did not know what the future could have in staled for me, all I had left now was a tiny bit of hope.
The social worker found us temporary accommodation in the Army barracks in Maryland’s at least we and the
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I, to keep my sanity ordered fashion pattern books from
Germany and also receiving the Rundschow a German professional fashion monthly magazine for Taylors and Dressmakers I did studied and practiced very hard and long hours day after day till I professional mastered all about fashion how to design made patterns and all there is to know about the clothing trade.
I got a very good job in the trade for top money. With the help of the social worker and the Australian government I bought a home in North Ryde, now there was permanent accommodation for Ulla and the children.
I spend most my time at work.
In North Ryde I met a German Guy not living far from us he was lonely and came over about every single day for many months, one Saturday I went with him in to the city. We walked up William Street towards Kings Cross, across the road from us was on old wino long beard old Armey coat with a bottle sticking out of his pocked.
My German friend said to me; did you see the bloody Jew
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I told him the real reason has been, Germany were bankrupt after world war one, and most wealth in Germany being in Jewish hands, with Hitler and his Gestapo and SS started disowning and killing Jews to get their hands on their fortune, he did needed there money to finance his war efforts, telling him that and saying; I got a big surprise for you tonight when you come over I prove to you from German papers that I’m Jewish and most my family have been killed in German (KZ) concentration camps.
He never turned up I never saw him again in my live, and truthfully I hope I never will and do not really want to.
I do realize most people by simplifying everything blaming Hitler on all the terrible happening during his
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soldier by blindly shooting at the enemy. But he did possess the power to unite the most evil people in the country. With every country or race always produces plenty of them selfish self-centred cruel people who like nothing better than wish death and destruction on others. His enormous power to lead and bring out the worst in this people is the reason for what happen and with a strong and evil leader like him it could happen anywhere.
And the person I had called a friend was exactly what such leader would be looking for brainless, cruel and blind to any and all human suffering.
I hope the world never will produces another person like Hitler, against any race or religion in any country.
I applied for a production manager job in Melbourne in a famous fashion house, getting the job and now making sufficient money for Ulla to stay home to look after the children. I often went to Sydney to see them and Ulla came a few times to Melbourne.
I went on business away for one night. Ulla stayed with the children that night in my unit in Melbourne.
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The house in Sydney was rented out with me never receiving any rent from it.
Finally I applied for divorce with my lawyer telling me I most likely would have to pay for all the children borne during our marriage and Ulla will get all of the children.
Avery nice lawyer I had, he was completely on her site telling me that is the law in Australia and not much he
could do about it.
I was very lucky the Judge had lots of common sense, not only he had given me the big boys, I did not had to pay for the other two and Ulla had been told to have visiting right to see them, only if I allowed it or agreed to it.
After we finish signing all the papers I took her out for dinner at the Menzies Hotel, we even had a bottle of wine
not bad for a guy who never drinks alcohol.
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that’s a promise I would keep.
Robert and Andy went regular every Saturday, to Ulla’s place, I wanted never for them to loose contact with their mother and I never said to them anything bad about her, on one Saturday Andy in a very lousy mood said to me why do we have all the time to go there I responded by telling him you do not have to; Andy well outspoken replaying goody I never want to go again, why? We only have to do her shopping and clean her house that’s all we good and being used for, we do not like her. After that I lost all contact with her for a very long time.
For many years I lived in St. Kilda often paid for students during the school holidays to take the children out, paying for everything, with my job I was able to afford it, only to find out over and over again the girls put the children in to a movie theatre to be rid of them after the movie both of them had to wait for many hours for the girl to return who went out shopping or out with their boyfriend somewhere, it was not easy. On weekends we did spend lot of time together, we went motly to the beach or paks
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One day a lady from some child welfare came checking up, wanted to know how I was doing with two children on my own. I let her in, let her talk to the boys and she could not find anything wrong, the following week she came
again I did than refuse to let her in, me telling her she did her checking and I appreciate their care about the children, but coming regular would be an invasion of our privacy. She after that got very nasty and told me she could remove the children from me, I told her there plenty children without proper care and to worry about them not with mine.
She promised to return to course problem, but never did. For many years now I was even with my children very
lonely I tried a few time to go out, soon I mentioned to anyone I had children no one wanted to know me.
I read sometime the German Weekly in Melbourne, and
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Australia I had nothing better to do and answered the ad and to my very big surprise I got a responds to my letter and soon many letters going back and forward often on a daily basis I had someone to talk, no, to write to, I was not quite that lonely anymore. After many month of writing getting closer to someone again I did ask her if she would consider of coming to Australia and be my wife I known or thought I know her very well, she also been very pleasant to look at as I had seen on some picture, with me sending her picture of my children and me in return, trying to avoid unpleasant surprises, due to many month of writing I thought we did know each other better than most likely through personal contact we did got engaged.
Suddenly after many long lonely years girls got interested because I was not available anymore, the two nurses next door ask me out we went to the beach and after one of them, come over to my place, how a guy after 4 long lonely years can refuse. I had a girl in Germany but would she really come I was not too sure of that.
Than Louise another nurse moved in next door, she was lovely she really shown interest in me her friend did not mind as she
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I took her to the railway station she had to go home to Adelaide I found myself wanting to go with her, the
thought of my children and my job certainly stopped me from such a silly idea.
She rushed back in a few days, I watched her try on some garments on, she trying to get my opinion knowing my
job in fashion, afterward she came over to my unit and ask me what I thought, my answer was beside her black knickers showing through, it looked ok and mentioned I do not like black underwear, shortly afterwards she left coming back within minutes making sure I would notice she was not wearing black underwear. I still controlled
myself from getting close or touching her she was dangerous to me I did really like her, a few days later I told her that, but also told her I would never be able to break my word I have given.
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I did believe very strongly a woman offering her body so easily and freely, would have done the same to anyone, there kept company with, at the moment or time and will do it again and again in any or similar situations. (A shocking truth being absolutely correct, I had to find out later in life. the hard way, me being just driven by love and desire.) Telling her that did not seem to put her off and we had an affair and later in life realized I was a complete foul and should never had let her go.
Immigration department came to visited me in my office at work and must have been impressed or satisfied and allowing Erika to immigrate to Australia what I was not really sure if there would until then.
I rented a house in St. Kilda well away from the unit I was living for so many years. I told and prepared the children, who wanted to know what to call her I said what ever there prefer there can call her Erika I did called her mum explaining to her that’s
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Weeks later me mostly working all day with Erika staying at home, I entered the children’s room, I was shocked how a woman can ignore children that much but also realizing it was really my fault, Erika was very young with no experience during my years alone I got use to following the horses, gambling to kill my lone feelings she could
not stop me. I was alone even with her around, she was no soul mate she was trying very hard practicing to bake and cook that’s all, we had nothing in common I tried to talk to her about the children her excuse was it will be better once she had children of her own I think she did not like the idea I had the children with someone else, the other woman something I was unable to change.
I was determent to make this marriage work no matter what! I promised myself to be patient and will try my best to help to make it work, in no way I wanted allow this
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I was married now and girls took notice of me as most girls just look for fun and affairs a young Girl at work was very nice to me, I be honest I did look at her and fooled around a bit but not really nothing serious between us, one night she came back to work late at night, asking me if she can sleep in the workroom having trouble at home, I said ok no problem locked up and went home immediately. later that night her parent come to our home accusing me being with her how could I, I was at home she was in the city in the workroom , but it did not helped our marriage one little bit, but I did not give up.
We moved from cold Melbourne to warmer sometime very hot Brisbane for a fresh and new start Erica had now Simon, with Marcus another boy on the way.
The two children made not much different to the relationship between her Robert and Andy, Robert was a great baby sitter
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I did ask her about it, her answer was when you want company why do you not get yourself a girlfriend?
I did try, a young woman at work having two children living on her own. We being in the kitchen by our self she lifted her dress up to show me her flat stomach after two children. I admit this petite young lady showing me her nice figure only covered in her pink knickers exited me, and I did ask her out I took her that night to a night club
trying to talk to her she was not very bright just pretty with an empty head. I thought; what I’m doing here with this girl when I have at home a nicer much more desirable
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A short time afterwards I met Jane at work a very sexy young Lady very friendly towards me, I think only because I been the boss or for some other unknown personal reason. We become very good friends and did spend time together, Jane told me Erika most likely has an affair, I told her; no way she would do that, but Erika come home later and later, one night we waited for Erika to leave work it was still early she got in to a taxi we followed Erika she seem to be going home I said to Jan I told you so, me being very sure of myself!
The taxi with Erika past our street and stopped at a motel I stood flapper gusted and watched a motel room door open up with her entering I send Jane home, me shaking all over trying to search for an reasonable explanation, than decided to knock on the door.
A relative of a friend of mine, Elli boy a drug dealer and drug
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I lost again - soon after I moved out.
Jane 21 years younger than me was great company. A few days later Erika ask me if I wanted the children, as her boyfriend Elli boy would never would travel with children also he would never stay long with anybody and mostly only has affairs with married women, a typical lowlife but adored by many women, who usable prefer creeps like that and I have no hope of competing with, I did known him well, to start an affair with Erika he told his girlfriend to go back to Perth to her husband, he has taken her away from telling her she is nothing but a two bid whore to leave her husband and children just to have a good time, but that was Elli boy, as he died 18 month later from a drug over dose, not even his sister had a kind word to say about him. I was very sure, I did know Erika’s future with him and she would need the children to get her over it.
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Erika was very good looking with an extremely nice and good figure and after only a very short time found replacement in a Yugoslav, the owner of a well-known personal massage parlour who had not much of a character in other words another lowlife person, expressed in his business and job involvement, but with plenty of cash.
Jane was determent to see the world and we decided to go to Sydney after a year we went on a trip to see the world, we flew to Frankfurt my first time back in Germany, we took a very short railway trip to Mainz boarded a river boat to go up the Rhine river to Koblenz past the Lorelei and many beautiful places, from Koblenz we took a train trip to Hamburg it was three am in the morning as we arrived, walked around Hamburg had some MacDonald to eat and took a walk up the Reeperbahn Hamburg famous night live district, after Jane had a litre glass of German beer we took a Hotel Room.
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We meet his wife and son, he was lovely, took us everywhere including to our mothers grave it was good to be close to her once again. My mum still has been my best and really my only friend I ever had as my quest to find a true mate and partner has been so far being unanswered.
We also seen our sister I haven’t seen for 19 years I met a lot of people again mostly nice, beside one of our ex neighbour whose brother had died who ask why I the Jew is still alive and his brother had to die. He was a very bitter unhappy person and died a few years later himself.
Udo’s wife’s brother was a director on the Deutsche Bank in Hamburg he told us, and saying; that finally (in 1978) 70
My question was instantly who will get the money? His answer was the government. I was hoping the Israeli government, so I did ask which government the answer was; the Hamburg government of course, my remark “so there still making money on the Jews”, was with a very nasty look at me completely ignored.
I shouldn’t had said anything but I was very angry, than after millions of Jewish families were completely wiped out, with no one ever was able to claim any of their belongings, especially with the new German new law was put in too place, no Jew was able to claim from the German government unless it was from there immediately Family.
For instant we lost 17 members of our family, but only entitled to claim compensation for our father and brothers this made
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compensations claims very limited, as you had to be alive to claim. My sister and I cheated and been alive and for the loss our father and 3 brothers in Lodz (Litzmannstadt) concentration camp we did receive (Wiedergutmachung) "to make well again" from the German government, as the whole world knows, that Germany paid willingly any claim what was made and very well proven. Yes we did receive the princely sum of below US$10.000 for the life of our father and brothers, yes no mistake less than ten thousand US$ for their lives, so Germany can be free of guild now as there did do the right thing by paying for their crime against humanity, and considering it has been only for four Jewish lives the German government, must thought it was a very adequate compensation and now had the right to keep any Treasure taken or found, before, during and after the war from Jews being killed.
I believe this one auction would have had more financial rewards, than all compensation claims pay out made by
Germany in total. But that’s only my personal opinion, without any proof.
I do know Germany did paid to Israel a very large sum of 72
I found one school mate I rang up wail in Hamburg, he invited us for Champaign breakfast on the next day, his wife was drinking Champaign, Jane Champaign mixed with orange juice, I drank just orange juice wail he drank a bottle snaps a very strong German alcoholic beverage.
Three month later his wife wrote to me he had a small ear operation and his liver given up and he died.
Robert went to London after he turned 18 where he stayed;
we visited him on his 21st birthday he was the same age as Jane. We stayed and worked for a while in London but made many short trips to Germany, Denmark, Holland and lots of other places.
I talked Robert in to trying to get a job in Germany were any job was paying much better than in England he did this, successful with the help of my sister.
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During our time in London I had a few surprised letters from Erika the first one made my hart racing for a moment I thought of the nice old days from many years ago, as I just been waiting to hear from her, and for a second I was hoping she my was missing me, but no such luck, she was happy without me.
Jane and I left England for good, before leaving I said to Jane if you want to do this trip we have to travel very light, with only a sleeping bag for hygienic reason and a few changes of underwear plus a change of clothing, also I told Jane absolutely no jewellery for safety reason.
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In Munich I wanted to show Jane the famous Munich Hofbrau
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that were Hitler held his first public speak in Munich,
why? That’s our history, I answered I prefer to forget this history. When a look could had killed I would had dropped dead on the spot.
We did visit only the beer-hall with Jane having a couple of beers, and soon after we gone back to the train stations waiting room to wait for the very early train to Wien in Austria. Sitting in the waiting room two railway police man with a large German shepherd dog come in looked around like searching for someone, spotting us walked straight towards us asking for our tickets I shown them our tickets after that he demand the passports Jane ask me something in English, When in Germany speak German, I said my wife (I meant De facto Wife Partner and had no intention or reason to lie as the police holding both of our passports there was no point of making up any false info) does not speak German, she is not your wife and we arresting you for giving us false information, Jane did not known what was going on said lots of things in English
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All the officers in the station laughed out loud. I said what about Jane my friend she does not speak any German and does not know anyone in Munich, we can arrest her as well and you both can see a Judge in the morning.
We were taken to cell with an adjourning court house, but where separated in to different cells.
In the morning a policeman came to see me, took me in to an office than explaining to me all the charges against me have been
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We went to the court, I was given time to explain to her, she laughed and said ok, in the courtroom the Judge ask if she plead guilty? She answered, I guess so, I called out you have to say Ja, for what I got reprimanded, the Judge looked her in strange way (the charge seam ridicules a young small girl attacking a fully trained police dog she would not had stood a chance of survival, but she did not have a single scratch on her) But Germany now in 1978 had not changed the police is always right did not matter how crocked, and true to the old German justice system no German Judge would ever argue about that.
We court a train to Wien, I was happy the crocked cops did not found our money there were so desperate looking
for; we would have had none now.
In Wien we went to a hotel to get a room, in the evening 78
Me having a bad cold wanted to have some hot soup, a few meters away from us was a very long table with dining settings which must being for a very large party like a wedding, or something, after a short time people arrived dressed in the old SS uniform greeting each other with Hail Hitler I could not believe what I saw, 23 years after the war, what a place we had picked to stay the night.
We went to our room after restful but mostly sleepless night we left Austria for Switzerland, as we crossed the border I felt better and relived. The train got stuck for a wail in 2 meter high snow but eventual we got further from Switzerland to Italy, Jane my sexy looking Australian Girl caused quite a stir in Rome from there we got a train to go to the bottom of Italy Brindisi, it was a long train trip we were sitting by our self in one compartment as about six Italian workers entered, with all of them just stirring at Jane’s crouch, I had a very varying and scary feeling, very slowly without looking at anyone avoiding to get any attention I took out an English Army knife I had, with a very large rope slicer on it I opening it very slowly and started to clean my fingernails, within minutes all the guys left and went to the next carriage.
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The Greek people are the friendliest people anyone can meat, every Greek has friends and relatives in Australia
hoping for the possibility we my know them. Between Germany and Greece it like between hell and heaven beside the German country Germany is very beautiful with many great places but has too many German living there. I hope no one get me wrong, yes Germany like every country has lots of bad people but also very many nice honest people even during the war years many people did risk their lives to help us to stay save and alive.
The police in Greece are very friendly and human and very polite and it is a pleasure to talk to them. We met a guy from Alaska in the place who went the night before to a nightclub and got cleaned out by the over friendly bar girls.
He was in big trouble I ask him if he had any money in the bank left. He said yes but in Norm a town in Alaska a place even in the summer below freezing I told him I
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From Athens we flew to Egypt I preferred Israel but I always can go to Israel but Egypt you never know, we saw and went inside the pyramids visited the Cairo museum seeing the treasure of Tutankhamen for me the most interesting museum in the world.
Leaving Cairo a few days later on a flight to Bombay now called Mumbai: leaving the airplane the smell there was terrible, made much worst by the heat we experiencing, wow; it was dreadful nothing to compare it to in Australia, we found a very well English speaking taxi driver and ask him for a small and clean hotel, he took us to a hotel near the large main post office.
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It’s amazing how humans get quickly use to most condition we could not smell much anymore.
I did ask our room service to dispose of the winter outfit’s to my surprise the next day he was wearing proudly my winter boots.
In the evening we wanted to go for a walk, but this was impossible in Mumbai every footpath was fully covered with families getting ready for a night’s sleep I think Mumbai has a larger population than the whole of the lucky country Australia.
Were ever we had or wanted to go we had many very cheap taxis waiting for us to choose from, even more than in Hong Kong it was 1978 with only black cars from the early fifties, there mechanics must been fantastic experienced very hard working people.
A few days later we took a 1st class buss with wooden benches on a long trip to Goa a very uncomfortable trip, but it was worth it Goa is different it look like it is India’s 82
the rest of India it used to be a Portuguese colony, with the rest of India being under English rule who made to many Indian People in to servants and beggars, in Goa you can see only very few beggars, here we went to a village on the beach a well known to most tourists we found a hotel called the Royal, why? It had a western toilet, using like always for hygiene our own sleeping bags we did not care much about the rest of the hotels condition witch not been impressive.
On the beach the local meeting place for tourist at a coffee shop in a large tent we had our first Asian very good tasting coffee It’s simple to make, normal Nescafe but instead sugar and milk just use Nestle sweet condensed milk, a great change, really worth trying. Besides having coffee most everyone smoked a pipe, joint or a bong, Jane ask one of the guys were you get the stuff from, he answered haven’t you got any? No, he tore a piece of his and trough it over to her, a piece of hashish like this would
had cost in Australia a few thousand dollars Jane found great enjoyment in this stuff I tried it once found the taste is
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This was good as I with a clear head always made sure we did only eat vegetarian and only if it was well cocked and the fruit bought to eat had no broken skin, it is very important to stay fit and healthy in India. A German hippie we did meet who had both his Legs infected,witch looked very bad, from sleeping on the beach were rats try and did bit him. I did ask him why not go to the hospital for treatment he answering it cost money I offered to pay for his treatment. Yes he wanted the money to buy more dope or drugs. I told him I would give the money to the taxi driver taking him to the hospital; he did not wanted to go and most likely died from his infection.
On Sunday we went to the local flea market here I saw
something I never heard or seen before with the market full of western girls mostly hippies selling all sorts of goods, the most requested thing by the local Indian man and boys was the girls undergarments there knickers we were talking with two American girls wail a Indian guy
came up asking for her panties? She responded by lifting
her dress way up giving him and us a great view, telling him sorry all gone even the one I was wearing.
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Late in the evening we went for long beach walk, what we
didn’t know it was full moon a special celebrations day often celebrated with alcohol, it is one thing for the Indian smoking harmless hashish, but drinking illegal alcohol
was another. The street party in front of us with totally
drunk guys did not make us feel very save.
In the distance I saw a car approaching hoping it was a taxi I tried to hail it down, it was not a taxi but the car stopped anyway, a very well-spoken gentleman did ask us for direction to a certain place it was the place where the village was, we were staying I told him that and ask if he would be so kind to give us a lift as we did not feel very save with the drunken crowd. He turned round to ask his passengers the door did open after that and we been ask to enter, what we gladly did the people introduced them self with their names witch had no meaning to us, telling them it’s nice from them to pick us up and told them our names.
Those telling us there staying on the large resort not far from our village inviting us for lunch there, for the next day, telling us there will send a car at midday to pick us up.
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like the royal family of India. Everyone was very pleasant beside on of the servants, he sounded and looked like an ex German Hitler Army general who said to me in perfect German, do you know who this people are? I replayed of course I do, do you know who I’m, the fast responds made him shut up and he never got near me again.
Mr. Bajaj from India one of the three riches family in India was nice and very friendly to talk to, after he found out more about us me being in the clothing trade he was
very interested as his son was trying to design a range of garments for export, I pointed out the biggest problem
with garments coming from India “to tight in the arm
western ladies have bigger and stronger Arms” he ask me if I would consider to see him and his son in Mumbai I agreed and phoned him after we returned, this time by
boat back to Mumbai, during our trip on board the boat trying to sleep on the open deck as all cabin had been
booked out, we got woken many times by an Indian guy pulling on our toes asking us if we wanted chai the word 86
Late at night the car took us back to our hotel, the streets that late were deserted but where ever we past every inch of footpath was covered by sleeping people, we saw one large cart pulled by two people with two others picked up some bodies from people who have died, as our driver explained to us.
Mr. Bajaj offered for us to stay at their beach house, it was close to the airport and next to the holyday Inn Hotel a very nice place
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I told that to a chemist in Australia who had no interest (no money in that) obviously helping People is not as important as the money to fix them.
From Mumbai we took a train trip to Agra on every station we did stop on the way, we seen thousands of people everywhere, matter effect where ever we did look out of the window were seen many people on any place.
We went to Agra to visit the TajMahal but we also saw the baby Taj build by the father of the large and famous
one. In Agra a jewellery shop tried to sell us some gold rings to my comment there have no stamp prove the gold carat indicating
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From Agra it was a short trip to Delhi. Mr Bajaj given us an introduction to Mrs Indira Gandhi we did not use it,
what I forever regretted as shortly after she had died.
I had enough from traveling we did return to Mumbai than to Manila were we stayed only a few day’s in a hotel with two very large double beds. Outside our hotel was a beautiful large park a bit like Sydney Hyde Park with people very well dressed walking around and listening to a band playing music. (Marcos was than still in power; many years later I returned to the same spot, now with Marcos removed, the park had no more grass with an high fence around full of it looked like homeless People.)We finally went after 12 month of traveling back to Sydney oh it was great to be back at home.
First we went too Brisbane to get our luggage back from Jane’s parents’ Home I saw Erika and the children, Erika
had another little boy Tony and was living with her Yugoslav partner. I ask her if she wanted a divorce. She replayed not unless I need one, me I never get married again so no different to me I replayed. Jane and I went
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In Sydney I told Andy about his new brother, he responded with saying; now I even got a brother I’m not related to.
Jane I do not know what she was doing only I noticed all her friends worked in massage parlours or as escort girls, one night both of us and her best friend and her partner gone out for dinner after we went to her friend’s home,
all of them most fanatical insisted we swap partners for the night, it was not the sort of entertainment I was interested in and left.
During the time I was chairing a place with Jane I did look around to find a serious relationship receiving plenty offers
for affairs, what I was not looking for and every time I did met someone I could been seriously interested in, she always been already taken, married or in a permanent relationship, and In no way I ever could impose myself or intrude in other peoples relationship no matter how strong my feelings, my conscience would not allow me to do that, I believe only people with very low or no character could per sue such action.
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A few years later I started my own business, I spend most time at work, seeing very little of Jane who always busy to go somewhere with her friends she by now have visited and known every night club in Sydney.
By opening my own business in Sydney I instantly had the Union boss calling on me, explaining to me, that I have to make the workroom a Union place meaning everybody wants a job has to join the Union, with us deducting the monthly fee and pay it every few month in to the Union bank account.
If I would refuse to force all workers to join the union, and not willing to deduct there fee, He would come every week to disturb our production with lengthy staff meetings and coarse me a lot of trouble or problems.
But as long I’m willing to pay the fees in to the union account I’m able to hire and fire as I’m pleased, matter effect no one from the union ever will show up or interfere, in what we doing.
That actual confirm my personal opinion that most unions have outlived their usefulness, and to blame for destroying many industries, by making Australian the highest paid workers in the world if there be able to find a job, what has become due to greed and impossible demands by unions an impossibility.
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Within the 70th and 80th it has been a lifeline for the Asian community, by simple working from home on piece work.
Due to no experience and having to learn the trade from the beginning onwards many have worked at the start for $3 to $4 a day, surprisingly due to the help and assistance and the whole Family helping out, within weeks and sometime a few Month where able to increase their earnings to the best paid Workers in the Industry, and many paid a deposit on their first home in their first year of being in Australia. Due to Union interference and with great help and assistance of the media this workers willing to work and learn from home in the beginning for next to nothing to get started in there only possibility for employment has completely disappeared and the people have only Centrelink to turn to for help, with the union have taken any possibility of self-help away from them due to the demands paying any home
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I like Asian people very much and seen many starting out with no experience becoming very high qualified very
great money earners, due to their willingness to work hard and there persistency by using the chance being offered to them having a lot more than people on Centrelink and being proud of their achievements doing it on their own.
I’m happy for Asian people to come to Australia but I
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One day at work my secretary told me I had a private urgent phone call from Brisbane it was Erika. Erika in a panic telling me her partner and her splitting up and he insisted to take his son, I told her he can’t, she telling me she had the child in hospital using his name, and he telling her it’s only his, not hers and by law he can take the child. I telling her to see a lawyer not tomorrow but immediately and get a restraining order against him, she is the mother no matter under what name.
She did and he left after removing all household appliances he bought, including washing machine TV etc. I went to Brisbane and replaced them for her and the children.
From then on during holiday time we gone to Gold Coast renting a large place and ask Erika and children to join us. Life run reasonable smooth till during one holiday my daughter in law rang me that Andy was in hospital with stomach cancer, I flew to Sydney to be with them, and the operation went well, me going back to the Gold Coast but after some month of trying to stop
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Jane told me many times, one day we will get married, even by now me being divorced from Erika witch she had applied for and being granted. Me telling Jan, I would never consider marrying her the reason she was much too young for me, with the truth was, she was not what I consider a partner due to her promiscuous live style.
Traveling through most countries in Europe very seldom I saw a face I was fascinated with compared traveling
trough Asia for instead China, Thailand, Philippines and Vietnam I seen many faces I could have fallen in love
with. Why this strange fascination for Asian woman? It can’t be just from growing up thinking my father and brothers were living in China I honestly have no explanation for it.
In my business we had an Vietnamese machinist a beautiful young lady, working for us, I did really liked her as I saw her face I was instantly impressed finding it lovely, I always said the face is the most important part as
it’s the only part sticking out of the blanket I was happy to
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I ask her who these beautiful children belong too, she replayed, to her sister.
Weeks later she the children and another lady bringing in work again. I was introduced to her as the mother of the children I took very little notice; she was very plain looking and nothing compared with her lovely looking sister and I see the beautiful children and I only had eyes for them. Picking up Ve asking her if she want to come home with me, she nodded like saying yes but her aunt translated it to her, she wanted to go to her mum, I would love to have both of them there were like living little dolls.
Jane and I had taken a holiday unit at the Gold Coast and we were ready to go there by car the following day.
The Vietnamese worker came to my office with an American girl friend introducing the American as her sister friend who she is going to visit taking a trip by train to Brisbane, where her sister was living now. I did offered and ask if she wanted to come
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Wanting to drop Jane after a very long drive at our unit, we all decided to sleep there for the night. Early in the morning I took the two ladies to her sister’s place and was greeted by her and her lovely two children. I left short time after, getting to our unit Jane already left to see her friends like always, now at the Gold Coast, with Jane staying out all night, most likely sleeping all day.
I went to the Vietnamese girls trying to offer to take them around Brisbane, but no one was home, I left a message
with my phone number and being in Brisbane visited Erika where I always was welcome, as we had become good friends. She also did ask me if I mind if her new son can use the name Goldberg to go to school to avoid any embarrassing question for him or there brothers I told her I would not mind to help him, he was a lovely boy and years later as being told I was not his dad, being very disappointed, but kept the name Goldberg forever.
Few days later I received a phone call from Hong she was ready to go back to Sydney but wanted to fly back taking the children with her to Sydney on a holiday; I offered to 98
With them ready to leave I did ask Phuong if she wanted to came to the airport promising I would take her back home, if she would like to come to see them fly off.
We walked around the Gold Coast doing some window shopping and late that night I took her to her place, she seam to miss her children already, But had now plenty time to finish the work I had taken up for her over 100 uniform dresses. One week later I called on her to pick up the work she seem to be lonely and depressed missing her children
I told her I would go on Sunday to Sydney if she wanted to come to pick up her children, she answered with a big lovely smile I noticed that smile on one of the baby pictures it made her very lovely looking; yes, me telling her I would pick her up Sunday morning.
Jane had been in Sydney I expected her on Friday, she
arrived Saturday morning, she rested and I washed the Car being white it did not look the best after the long trip. Thinking what Jane and I could do today as Jane come down all dressed up walking past me, where you going? As I should be used to: she said; I told you so, what is her usual responds; I'm going out
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After finish washing the car I took the van to pick up Phuong, she had lunch with the neighbours, saying you said Sunday; I changed my mind do you mind?
No I be ready in a minute, a bit later we left I was happy for the company on the long trip at least someone to talk to. We went the inland road pass Mount Lindsay I never been this way before after Casino we got to Coffs Harbour it was already evening and we decided stay in a motel.
I ask her and expected for her to have her own room, she said no not necessary, I made sure it was a room with two single beds we went out to have Chinese for dinner returning to the room she had a shower and looked very
nice in her see through night dress.
I showered too and went to bed, during the night Phuong got up to go the bathroom. I do not know how I had the 100
She started to touch me and for the first time in my live, I made love as it should be between two people. It was like a dream. Beside that it was also father’s day the 4th of September 1988 the best father’s day I ever had in my whole life.
In the morning Phuong said; once we get to Sydney it is better we never see each other again, me forgetting she was even younger than Jane, 25 years younger than me, she did not acted that young and had the lowliest children in the world she left her husband some time ago, for what he wanted to kill her and the children the reason she moved away from Sydney. In no way I could let her go without trying everything to keep her, now that I finally
found what I needed and wanted; how could I let them get away. I never tried in my life to convince someone to stay with me as I did tried with Phuong, as we got to Sydney we phoned her sister to bring the children to the office and started our trip back to Brisbane.
The happiest time of my live had started, I really fallen in love with a lovely Asian women and finally had what I was dreaming
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I told Jane, who telling me, introducing me to her black American boyfriend you always fancied a Asian girls I always wanted a black guy, so let’s forget them and let’s stay together I told her she having affairs for many years
and I had enough and I could never ever consider sharing my partner with anyone.
I helped Phuong to file her divorce and we moved to the Central Coast only one hour from Sydney where all Phuong’s family was living.
I wasn’t all that easy, Phuong had her planes; she bought a block of land in Nerang in the middle of nowhere with money she had made working from home, hoping I would help her to build a house, I could not do that, no business, never any hope of jobs or making any money and I wanted to be with her and the children.
Phuong was one of the best and fastest worker I had seen but for her no one ever was ever good enough even I suddenly, now for over thirty years in the trade, I did not know anything and no matter how hard I tried to please her nothing ever was good enough for her, I think the
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Phuong did know everything better, which what she is convinced of. No one is ever perfect exempt Phuong of course, but I did love her and made excuses and tried to please her were ever I could she was all I had now, Phuong and her lovely children were now my very happy live.
I bought a house in Wyoming zoned industrial where I wanted eventual build a factory. Phuong sold her land in Nerang only got her money back and immediately bought a block of land at Umina Heights I arranged a bank loan for a further $30.000 for her, she still was hoping I would build her a house there. I explained it is completely unpractical no car would ever last claiming that mountain daily and the children will grow have to be taken every day somewhere it was not logic or practical.
Phuong sister told me Phuong was a romantic, and I been all my live a hopeless romantic and also my blind and hopeless love for Phuong and her children (with me forgetting completely our age different what I realize now been very unfair to her) I decided to take on a great but unfair gamble by pushing Phuong in to a corner forcing her to make a decision, hoping the outcome to be in my favour.
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I told Phuong unless we would get married and she would give up her single mother pension I would leave her telling her she can stay in the house for up to two month but start looking for something to live by herself.
I was ready to leave as she stopped me and agreed to all what made me the happiest person I could have been.
finally after 40 years of smoking mostly over 60 cigarettes a day I given it up, how anyone can smoke in front of children knowing about the danger of it this days, I loved my children to much to take any risk and there rewarded me being the best children a man can wish for, during the week both children Ve and her brother went to private catholic collage as I strongly believed a top education was of extreme importance, but at weekend and night times we had great fun together, with me enjoying their company greatly.
I did not adopted them for only one good reason both of them were full Vietnamese and I thought it is better for them to decide after their school education to choose if there want to use their Asian name or continue with the name Goldberg, both of them choose the later.
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We got married in the United Church at Kings Cross on the 1st of September 1989.
I did not want to take a risk making sure we had god on our site, guaranteeing us success.
I travelled daily to Sydney to work, my secretary of 12 years had to go, Phuong noticed she made to many private phone calls, most the workers left than; we closed the workroom in Sydney and opened a shop in Gosford.
Phuong talked me in to buying a house on the water front we did find one, Phuong did put her land on the market I did the same with Wyoming property, I arranged a bridging loan to be able to buy the new place on the waterfront, but nothing was selling, with the Australian interest
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To pay the wages plus the loans over a very long time I fallen behind in tax payments and there threatening to take me to court.
My son got sick again I helped his wife to cope financial and given her some money. At the hospital we were told
there is no hope he had only a few month left he being only 33 years old. I tried to see him as much as I could, He told me; he met people from the Baha’i believes what helped him a great deal I explained to him my very early experience with the Baha’i as I was only seventeen.
For the first time I seen his mother Verena and her brother again, seeing him was a bit of a shock I noticed he was the
spitting image of his father Mirco and remembered our first day and my horrifying first night in Australia.
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With Andy’s wife new husband a few month later I made a very big mistake, he being in marketing and sounded very professional and honest, also I did know the very old saying “never do business with friends or relation” and mostly following this rule in general, without making any exception, but then one day completely of guard we forget the rules expecting and respecting people in their chosen profession to be very good and responsible and put our trust in them. What happen to me I needed a catalogue for our uniform business with the cheap imports have taken over most of our supply, but we did survived on the manufacturing dental and chef’s coat, the only garments we had left for manufacturing.
We did supply many dentist’s Australian wide, with also doing chef’s coats for some hotels, but only with a minimum of 10 to a maximum of 30 per week a very tiny proportion of the requirements in Australia with the very large tourist and hotel
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To get a booking I had to book it about three month in advance what I did.
I had plenty time to get the picture and catalogue details with description and prices completed.
The husband of my ex daughter in law looked like he did know exactly what I needed and wanted and it also looked like he did know what he was doing. But he also explained very careful to me if I make a mistake and overlook any faults at my approval it would not make any different to the cost, as it would be completely my fault for not noticing it before the print. 3 month I thought was plenty of time, than I got very worried a few days before the due date, trying to push for delivery, getting later and later finally I been told, not to worry the night before delivery was due, he himself will deliver the catalogue next morning for the insert to be placed in to the monthly distribution of the magazine, if I have a good look through 108
Doing this and being responsible for this type of work for many years I was very confident not overlooking or missing any faults and after a lengthy study, I signed the approval and been exceptional happy with the very late but top and great job he did for me.
The following day I received my first phone call, a responds to my catalogue I had been extremely proud of as it was looked very great and promising.
To my big surprise it was a cancelation of an outstanding order calling me a bloody fool to send out such rubbish.
I was shocked and driven to Sydney to look and pick up the remaining printed catalogues.
Getting there I been told yes we did get them out and delivered them on time. I said yes I know but what is wrong with them? Nothing as you seen as you approved them, can I have look at one? Yes here, handing me a Copy.
I open it up it did look great, I went through the pages seen a description missing, oh sorry it is underneath the colour,
what the point no one can see it, sorry about that, then I got to the chef coat pages with head’s, scarf’s, pants all with the description instead chef the word chief Coat’s, chief pants for all and
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How can you do that after I signed it all ok! I can do it again, to late the damage is done the all have been send out all over Australia. I never did a single chef or now called chief garment again; I got the advice to sue him, from Consumer Affairs: a case for very big damages I would win without any questions.
But he did marry my ex daughter in law taking care of my two lovely granddaughters how can I sue him?
I told him I will only pay him his financial cash outlay after the disaster he had coursed, with him now given me
the cost of it all, plus adding his large profit explaining to me he has to me make a living as well, I did refuse to pay,
as he was too greedy adding his large profit, after the damage he had coursed me. With my lovely daughter in law explaining if the Garments would have been any good the Name mistake would had not made any different at
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The lesson is never under no circumstances do any business with friends or relation under any circumstances
At Andy’s funeral were I seen Verena’s brother once more, who then did ask me to see him one day in Canberra where he works to have a talk, not really suitable on that occasion. For business I often had to go to Canberra, I did call him one day and met him for lunch. His instant straight out question was, he wanted to know why I never got in touch with him or his sister him believing and being told I was there dad. I said I’m going to tell you something; but please do not instantly run to your mother, her life is hers and everybody has to live with their faults and mistake.
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living in Albury he answered; that strange all my friends are Yugoslav. It maybe also the reason Verena married an Greek guy.
A year later Phuong’s land sold below cost also the Wyoming property got sold, but the problem by now were
to great the very long and large continuation of interest payments had taken their toll.
The tax department was heartless and wanted money. I previously made sure the water front property was 90%
in Phuong’s name the low value off properties at the times less the mortgage it was not too hard to meet the receivers
demands. I transferred my business name over to Phuong and we both worked very long hours keep up with all
payment for many years. Phuong did all plain machining I did the selling, cutting, finishing of garments, like hemming, button holing, button sewing, anything on special machines and dispatch, deliver of the finish goods by post or in person.
Our children Ve and Qua both kept going to private
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collage to ensure a top education for them and for many years we were a happy family. Something I personal always wanted and had dreamed of.
I got sick with prostate problem had it cleared out but found out I also had prostate cancer. Radiation treatment helped and I got over it. I almost feel like I have to apologizing to Phuong for not dying, but the only problem I had no more sperm otherwise all was working fine.
Our shop in Gosford we had to close, due to after the Owner did some alteration to the air-conditioning and what we thought and being told it was, our not working air-conditioning unit had become now a wind tunnel blowing very strong air in to our workroom, a locked door to the next adjoining shop was turned in to a vent to receive the air from our strong air out blowing unit.
After many complaints to the agent and the owner I finally did complain to Work Cover and the inspector condemned the work room for health reason as a result. We were not allowed using the work room or shop in any way.
We moved out and worked from home not as easy but we had no choice and I had spent lot of advertising money and time to replace customers we had from the shop, and have sufficient
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David started an apprenticeship in Sydney and we auctioned our water front property.Ve and Phuong went on a trip to Vietnam, I met them there flying out two weeks later I joined them in Saigon. Where ever I did look I did seen beautiful woman and girls everywhere but the most I was impressed with has been the lovely faces of the children girls and boys often looking like dolls. If I would have a lot of money I would open an orphanage in Vietnam to look after some of these lovely children, from Saigon we flew to Paris were we stayed a couple days, than took a train to Hamburg
My sister expected us and picked us up from the station we did stay at her place but also visited many other places,
My brother in law about 10 year older than me had a big surprise as I suggested to him, Ve, him and me playing
scat a German card game, he had a big grin all over his face me telling him Ve does know this, very difficult and
hard to learn German card game, a Vietnamese young lady could play seam to amuse him, he thought it would be a ridicules idea as even most German woman never
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shown much interest in this game, you had to be quick in thinking and completely alert and being very fast and clever in math.
We started playing and he thought Ve had enormous amount of luck getting great cards, but luck only last a little wail, with Ve kept beating us with great skill of playing day after day he was completely surprised and the grin had completely changed for admiration and I been immensely proud of my girl I did thought her well.
One day something very strange and unbelievable happened. I did know Phuong by now for very many years, travelled with her 1000th of miles in cars and she never had the slightest car or travel sickness.
We all went on a long day out, with my brother in law driving most of the day and being on the way home that day, we passed through the street were my grandparents’ house was. I was looking straight at it, as the car suddenly stopped, I had no idea why? Phuong got carsick and opened the door to spew up, right in front of the house where I did endured so much hardship and it was like Phuong could feel the bad energy coming from this place with my aunty being close by, inside the house.
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Yes Phuong and me been the closest any couple could be, until that I explain later.**
We left Hamburg gone to Hanover went and seen Expo 2000 than on to Italy Venice, Rome from there back to
Paris flying via Hong Kong back to Sydney. With our house had been sold, we paid the bank for the mortgage
and credit cards and owned no one, also Phuong paid a
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10% deposit on a unit in Gosford she has chosen just below $400.000 but for her own reason she bought it in Ve’s name, and made a final payment with the pay out from the Auction.
Now debt free Phuong wanted more, she organized a credit to buy a place in Bulahdelah, an old house, right on the Myall River in Qua’s Name using his first home buyers grant.
Ve decided to got Southern Cross University living in Coffs Harbour, we rented a place for her; but Phuong in an Investment mood decided to use Ve’s first home buyers grant to buy a unit up there also in Ve’s name, Phuong organizing with her crocket or dishonest Vietnamese finance advisor more credit. Than Phuong hired a Vietnamese friend of hers to completely renovate the old House in Bullahdelah for $10.000 cash for one week after we bought only the most expensive kitchen and bathroom equipment there was. Due to his oly worker quit after the firt day he had to stay on extra day to finish hi job for $2000 cash, not a bad pay for one day considering most people only earned a maximum of about $100.00 a day, during this week I had to go one night to Gosford Phuong refused to come rather helped with the renovating.The first time ever I got a bit suspicious and placed
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something on the bed in our room we both slept in, returning next day I noticed no one had touched that bead that night.
Asking Phuong what she did? She said there worked long and hard but went to the motel restaurant for dinner. With her friend had a girlfriend come from Sydney next day I wanted to believe I was wrong.
In 1995 I went once more to Germany mainly to visit my sister, staying at her place I decided to found out what ever happen at Grossensee, after being there numerous times without really asking any question to anyone, just looking at the place of memories in my youth. I decided in my old age to found out more determent to ask around, in the phonebook I did found the surname of the Girl in my past, it could have been her brother or his children, and who better to ask about the girl or more correctly elderly lady by now then the family. It just has been curiosity on my part but finally I wanted to close the past and if given the chance to apologize for the nasty card if she had received it. We only had a childlike relationship not really
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serious but she has been my first and sometime real and true love.
I took a train to the outer suburb of Hamburg the closest place to Grossensee, willing to take taxi for the final 12 km but it was not necessary as there now had a regular bus service.
Arriving there, I walked around the village having a very good look around only very little had changed in all this
years. I went to the address I seen in the phonebook walked past the place a few times, but then telling myself not to be a coward and knock on theire door I did, no one answered, I left to walk pass the previous place were so long time ago her family has been living, having a look around in this very quiet street I noticed a few doors from there, people working in the garden I decided to ask some question starting, by me telling them that I used to know the people use to live there about 50 years ago and have been wondering if there know anything about the family, and what happen to them? The lady telling me that the son a builder living in Siek a village not far from there that is all there know.
I decided to have some lunch in centre of the village at a place I long time ago I had lunch many times. The place was closed
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He saying yes I know him a good friend of mine, matter effect soon I finish here I will go to see him, offering me to take me there. Whenever I wanted to have closure of the past here was my chance and I accepted.
It did not took as long to get there we did met him in the garden the last time I seen him was in 1952 a skinny Jung boy this was 2005, a retired big man a builder by profession 53 years later. I introduced myself, telling him a bid about the past and about his mother and sister I had known. He had no memory of me or any of the past, me telling him that I never forgot his sister being my first love so long ago. We sitting in the garden he offering me a drink and finally I did found out what I wanted to know all my life, she went to Switzerland for a job met an American got married and lives in New York had children and now also grandchildren.
Founding out she had a happy live living with the same 120
of her with some children. I found our sufficient to happily close this chapter of my life and the many unanswered question forever.
After years of paying the lawyer re Gosford shop the owner took us to Court for finishing the lease one year earlier. We had nothing to worry about it, as Work Cover a government institution had condemned the place for health reason.
After a lengthy and costly wait the lawyer wanting more and more money we finally had a hearing with an arbitration court witch we won and got $11 thousand damages awarded, due to the workroom was condemned.
The thirty day wait to make the judgment legal went by, without any appeal and our lawyer contacted the owner’s lawyers for settlement, a few days later after the judgment now has become legal.
The owners Lawyer filed an appeal complete illegal, but Gosford court in need of cash accepted this appeal and promised them a more favourable outcome.
Our Lawyer appealed against the appeal, as the verdict had become law by now, and was told no change to the outcome will
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happen. But the crocked dishonest magistrate at Gosford court opened with the sentence to Phuong in what name the lease had been, “you did sign a 3 year lease and vacated early, therefore you owe the rest of the lease and better negotiate payment now before we start! His very clear judgment before the opening of the hearing and showing absolutely no interest in what was said later, ignoring the place has been condemmed by Workcover an government intitution and the final judgment at the opening was standing was a very clear indication; he was not an honourable magistrate and abusing his power. Why? Friends, cash? I do not have the answer for it. Even the owner’s lawyer ringing me for payment even admitted the Law is not always just. With court cost there wanted about $45.000 I told Phuong to take a holiday in Vietnam for me to bargain with the lawyer’s Phuong left and I offered $20 000 but we settled for $25 000 During Phuong stay in Vietnam, for me to keep busy not trying to miss her to much I bought cladding for the very old blue wooden house and started with a paid help of my our unemployed neighbour to cover the whole house, it took us weeks of very long hours of work, daily I walked my
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dog and favoured company Chilly glaring at the house from the
distance witch improved each day it started to look like proper looking home.
I went to Sydney airport to pick up Phuong very excited and happy to have her back, we never been apart for that long and I did missed her very, very much. Few days later we driven up to Bullahdelah, me not telling her about the job I did, but waiting for her surprised expression to see the improved look of the place.
She did not was over exited it looked like she had many other things on her mind and had a very strange look in her face, I never had noticed on her before, but liked the new improved look of the place.
Our neighbour Peter having a large boat offered to take us for trip down the river, Phuong offered him I thought jokingly half my live insurance to get rid of me, I laughed but her saying it the second time I thought it was not funny anymore, then later the third time I was embarrassed, a week after that I canceled the insurance.
Live went on normal Phuong was happy but a very different person very strange to me I never known her to be like that**
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The strange part is, Hong been a respectable Buddhist forever, not a fly by night to suit her friends and company, changing her religion to suit her new life style. Possible of a different group or sect, and Ann been a very strict Catholic person, it is like Phuong could not handle the competition or her great fear of criticism.
Phuong now had screaming uncontrollable tantrum not often but on a few occasion, her relationship with her
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Ve just didn’t know anything and after only minutes when both of them together, each of them ending up usually in tears, with me trying to bring peace between them, Phuong has become a different person like having taken on the character of her not very nice Friends, selfish, self-centred and cold hearted with on unbearable greed for money.
She did look as lovely as ever but had become like a body without a soul, a person I never would have got involved with, if she would have been anything like that or like that of her friends of very questionable characters. If she would not be that blind and be able to see herself or being not so taken in by her lowlife friends and could see what she has had become, I think it even would scare her. A few months later she decided to sell Bullahdelah now having due to her numerous trips to Vietnam and her unlimited spending a very large mortgage on it.
I had no choice than to agree. Phuong told me to take our small boat with our trailer and two jet skis to my son in Brisbane telling me laughingly; even I would never consider leaving you a few days break will do us good. I still trusted her and took the long
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Then suddenly a terrible fright hit me thinking and it was sinking in what Phuong said to me only days earlier, she wanted a break but would never leave me. What strange way to talk to a husband I rushed terrified back to Gosford. Phuong had a visitor from Vietnam a very creepy looking Guy. I went to the bathroom checked her clothing, yes it did look like she had sex my hart stood still but scared of losing her completely, I did not say much. Her friend slept in the other room, in the morning Phuong got dressed, her panties she had on, were inside out I noticed looked at her and admiring her beautiful figure.
She went with her Vietnamese Friend to her sister’s place, but at night I noticed her panties were not inside out anymore. The following weekend Phuong arranged a party with many of her Family attending. I was telling Hong Phuong’s sister; I was on a diet and from 95k went down to 85kg losing 10 kg. Peter Ann’s husband told me if I would lose another 85 kg everybody would be a lot
happier, with Phuong’s Vietnamese Friend loudly and with laughter strongly applauding and agreeing. I went to the 126
bedroom upset, for all of them preferring me dead. Phuong come in later to tell me of, for taking it seriously.
Her Vietnamese friend went back to his wife and children in Vietnam.
Ve did come back to Gosford; Phuong sold the unit in Coffs Harbour to Hong her sister. Ve got herself a job and shortly after married her boss older than her, but a very nice guy, with a big and large busy company, before Ve got married with me given my lovely daughter away, she had to sign a pre nab witch was a waste of time only a few years later all the wealth was gone, all there had left their love for each other and two lovely little boys. I see plenty people who had and lost everything, but as long there had each other and held to each other there always recovered. Phuong now panicking as the unit in Gosford still was in Ve’s name and took steps to have it transferred.
Ve known her mother to well, refuse to transfer the unit in to her mother’s maiden name only, telling her the title should be in both our names and not in her maiden name. Phuong insisted otherwise she would leave me, there and then and the scare off losing her completely, I told Ve to grant her wishes.
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I was in a panic when I would lose her I would have no one to love or care for, to be able to hold her I would need to have a lot of money what I did than was very foolish, I did wasted thousands of dollars in lotto ticket’s trying to force the odds in my favour with only a few minor collects. Even I had many flatter on the hopeless poker machines to relax my nerves, only to invest any winnings on lotto tickets. poker machine are clearly the worst form of gambling anyone can touch with no hope of winning as the clubs or pups never lose any money the only way you can collect if you your self-invested a large amount of money eventual you could get a large collect getting some of your money back or if someone else had
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lost a lot, you could win some of their money but never under no circumstances you can get the club’s or pub’s money every poker machine is a computer and would not allow the owners to lose any money, there just take your mind of things an expensive way to relax, otherwise I’m a very boring person I do not smoke, sometime I think to take it up again, but it stink’s I do not like it anymore, I never had a drink of alcohol, growing up with the smell and dislike for it,due to my early childhood years in the hotel and I have no affairs, believing in never have more than one sexual partner at one time in life.
My wife’s friends drink, smoke and it looks like screw anything what moves the type of guys given most people the creeps, but not Phuong, I must be very boring, compared with her Vietnamese friends, yes Vietnamese a very important factor, only Vietnamese a good people worth knowing and her preferred company, my worst problem is I still love her and miss her terrible much. Phuong now on the doll went to a Tafe college for a wail, than took a job in a Vietnamese restaurant at Wamberal seeing all the tax free cash coming in make her think of opening her own restaurant, needing a chef, for that she made friend with the
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It had to be in her name as he is a hopeless gambler and owes a lots of money, Phuong telling me he slowly paying the car off. For a while Phuong came home later and
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later, straight after work in to the bathroom mainly to wash her panties, than after one of their regular fights, this stopped and now only change and showers every 3-4 Days.
I did confront Phuong about Minh; her answer was I’m only using him; I need to have a chef if I want to open a restaurant. But I wonder who is using whom. He need annew car, Phuong finance the car he need money Phuong supplies it, he need sex? I really wonder who is using whom? But both of them, especially him looking desperately to lease or buy a place to open a restaurant for her to finance, borrowing more money on our unit with him of coarse have nothing to lose.
I really started to get worried and took out a caveat on the unit claiming my interest on it.
On Christmas day I got sick with Bell’s palsy a nerve sickness due to stress I can only blame her for, I never heard about, but it was a very painful with me being on morphine for two months. As Phuong found out I took out a caveat against the unit, she told me god has send me this sickness (I had no idea she thought god was her permanent personal assistant) for taking out the caveat and she has proof she owns and bought the Unit all by herself for
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I had a Dream…
I dreamt I found my loving mate
I woke and instead love, I just found hate
she courted me as a smiling witch
and has turned in to a super bitch
she treats me mean and cold,
just be course I’m getting old
if you marry an young Asian honey
and getting old without lots and lots of money
do not expect your life to be sunny
and believe me it is not funny
when your mate is lovely and nice
with a heart colder than ice.
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Lately she has few moments she is very lovely and nice and I wish and love to believe the bad things are all only a bad dream, the other explanation is she has a touch of what most people call schizophrenic, dual personalities, one lovely and nice the other selfish and plain simple greedy and nasty with no control of what she saying or doing. I think her really starting to believe I accept her lowlife friends and the lowlife life style, but my conscience never would allow me to sink that low and I had enough of it all.
As the reality is, she going back to Vietnam for more fun and has become most of the time exactly the same as her so called friends, the proof is obvious, if there not using her for her money, than how come she had to send her boyfriend, “a married man with no regards or respect for his wife or daughters, scum of the worst kind”, money, even had to pay for his trip to visit her in Australia and Minh her other friend, she also has to finance, she offers to show off, and there accept willingly.
(That remains of a very old story, I heard as a Teen: How often in life is a woman embarrassed about sex? And how often is a men embarrassed? The answer is a woman tree times in life, a men only twice in a lifetime. Explanation: The woman the first time,
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Phuong talked to her Vietnamese lawyer and must been told the Law would in titled me to 50% no matter in what name she owns properties. Phuong convinced me if I would remove the caveat everything would get back to normal I was desperate and believed her, for a day it looked ok.
Than Phuong told me her condition of staying married to me, (as she did not wanted to lose 50% of her unit for the $50.000 she was able to make for marring a person in Vietnam to get illegal entry for him in to Australia)
Her condition been; I have to make out a will immediately leaving everything to her and continued telling me she is a free spirit and want to be able to have sex with anyone she choose, but she never want me to touch her as I was too old for her she only wants to have fun. (and due to the way I got treated by her and my previous cancer over 15 years ago I need now Viagra to do anything, yes I’m getting old but I was not dead and in need of my women
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and my soul mate I thought I had). Me hearing her terrible demands could not answer to it, absolutely terrified of ever be able to see her, touch her again I had no replay.
I was addicted to her and like any addiction very hard to admit or to get free off.
Phuong lives completely as a Vietnamese; starting in the morning with the Vietnamese news channel, drives to work and works with her Vietnamese friend and on her free days mostly goes with him or by train to Sydney being with her sister and now Phuong booked her next trip to Vietnam for more affairs and see her married boyfriend, she did paid the Australian holiday for.
I having terrible times, realizing I may never be able complete withdraw from her. But I cannot live like this; hardly never hearing a friendly word and not being allowed to get close to her only being used if she is in need off any help with something. The worst part is my wife belongs to anyone but me.
I always been worried about the charlatans going after her trying to get what she got once I’m dead but I did never expected this lowlife type of friends will try wail I’m still alive, but some people are willing to do anything and have no shame in there
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Now she suggested to me, to go on her next trip after this one in October, accompanying her in January three month later on her next trip to Vietnam, from where I think most likely not will return alive, I do not know, but this is my very strong suspicion especially with the type of friends and company she been keeping for many years now. Her so called friends have turned Phuong in to the worst kind of a person, (the saying “tell me who your friend are and I tell you who you are is always correct”) It is mostly Phuong fault her not realizing due to her loud mouthing and advertising anywhere to all her Vietnamese friends what she owns to impress them, actually buying this way there friendship, her home the business etc. she has over $400 K value, and represent an illegal entry in to Australia she would be quite a catch, after my death or our divorce I choose the later, I did get the application for dissolution of our marriage and will lodge it within a very short time. (One of the main reasons is the warning from
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With Phuong defending him for what he was saying to me, once Phuong a dream partner for 20 years has turned in to the worst I ever known, I only have to say anything she does not like or one single word against her friends or just disagreeing with her on anything, she turns in to a fire spitting dragon and is constantly ready and willing to attack, even start picking or fighting with me for not looking happy. Yes she even ask me question or my opinion on something but only for me to confirm that she is always right how dear I ever disagree on her ideas, what make me instantly the worst person alive.
What is sort of a monster has she become, who wants me to accept everything and looking happy about it all just to make her feel good and guilt free, no I’m not happy completely the opposite I’m very sad lost lonely and depressed with having problem sometime to hide it.
After I realized I did lost her forever, I not only had bell’s palsy a nerve infection I also had a nervous breakdown, embarrassing to her I could not stop crying when alone,
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I realize much is my fault our age different is too great, even I do not feel old, her and Ve and Qua kept
me young in thinking, but the fact is I’m old and it is my fault, that I have been a hopeless romantic and have lived a foolish dream and quest all my live since the death of my mother trying to replace my close bond I had with her and should realize, “it’s better to have loved and lost: Than never to have loved at all”,
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It is only me to blame, for putting too much trust in to the wrong people opening myself up for being used and abused.
I decided during her trip I let her know and she can remember and think about it during her fun in Vietnam!
That all my trust and respect for her has completely disappeared she can’t really blame me for that, it’s be course of her unbelievable, unchristian, and inhuman condition of staying married to me. I never heard of such words spoken by anybody to anyone. I cannot accept her ridicules condition, her Vietnamese friend told me she being a slut, nice friends she got, once her own friends call her that and treat her as one she could not sink any lower, a slut, desperate people meet secretly just for sex preferable in the dark, no one want a slut as a partner or wife. Her man friend she invited in to our home and her brother in law Peter told me “everybody would be happier if I died” than her Friend Minh told me “to accept my faith and be ready to die”, she defended them all by making excuses for whatever there said and telling me off for being too sensitive, I wonder if it coincidental that all her friends openly told me there wanting me dead, or she got the habit mentioned to her friends that she is waiting for my
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I can’t live like this I want peace and my dignity neither I can have by living with her having to accept her lowlife friends. I maybe old fashion or just only a simple Christian, but I very strongly believed in my marriage vows including till death as do part, it look like that is the only thing I have to look forward to, to be free of her. I hope she enjoys her trip to Vietnam and her time with her boyfriend, his wife may does not care, to me it look more like, both of them do not care about their children or partners, and both of them believe people only there for them to be used, to satisfy there need and greed.
I have no idea why I still can love her, I did not said anything to her condition of staying married to me , or as she demanded having our home in her maiden name taking it back over from Ve her daughter, I always being terrified of losing her I would about agreed to anything to be with her, but I realize now I lost her years ago as she changed religion having different values for most human unacceptable, including me and even by most Buddhist’s
I just want to live in peace and with my dignity intact, without being treated by her like an very, very old fool, 140
she is killing me, if hope she not killing the love for her I have left, what is now up to her and her lawyer.
In my will I have her as the only person to inherit whatever I own. So why can’t we settle things between us without legal cost were the lawyers get from us about $100.000 and both of us end up with next to nothing.If she take up a mortgage of about $180 K on her properties she can keep everything and if she sells her friends land in Vietnam her repayments would be easy to manage, she can also sell the workroom equipment I can buy a small studio Unit** and live by myself in peace, I guarantee her, I will not change my will, so sooner or later she can sell the Unit or rent it out as an investment that’s would be fully up to her.
She can think about it, talk to her lawyer do what is best for her, believe it I only trying to work out a solution for both of us were I can have peace and so can she, as she be free of me and free for sex with anyone, what she you so desperately want or need.
I hope she choose very quickly what she want to do, as I my lawyer awaiting final instruction to take immediately action.
I did made up my mind not to continue living with her, be
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course by living with her I’m only a walking dead man at least that how she treats me, hoping and wishing me dead on a daily basis, the best proof for me is that she has made her choice by deciding to go back to Vietnam, for some more fun.
All man, do know a Women cheat regular on a partner will always do it to any one, the reason 99% of all Man never wants a slut as a permanent partner, but often willing to use them as a brainless slut’s what their really and truly represent.
**The most likely alternative is I put Qua back on the right truck by paying out his debt and take with him a combined mortgage and buy a house near Gosford, Narara, Springfield or similar. With Qua will have a legal chair on the property in percentage of his investment. An old place I can spend time on to renovate it, to improve the value but most import it will give me something to do, a purpose in life and take my mind of things and wear me out to be able to sleep at night.
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My final words.
At 75 being most of my live a fashion designer, in short my profession was dressing woman. I want talk about my hobby as I usable jokingly said doing the opposite.
Truly I know better now, instead just enjoying all the beautiful girls and using their bodies for pleasure. I was stupid never really being interested in a fling for witch I had to many offers due to my profession being and working with many beautiful women and girls.
But often I developed great friendships with girls or women without any sexual relation, but sometime also to satisfy my fetish without getting personal involved.
I all my live I treated women as an equal human been, found man who beat up there woman or treating them badly, often due to alcohol abuse absolutely disgusting but many women seem to need this treatment than this man mostly have the best women sticking with them no matter what.
All my life I have been to serious treating all my partners with the utmost respect and tried my best by spoiling them with trust and gifts try to fulfil most all or every one of their wishes. Obviously a sign of weakness and stupidity and being instead
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Of course I wanted and needed a sex partner preferable on a regular basis, my big mistake was I always played for keeps, really searching all my life, for a soul mate, someone to share any thought with and what ever happen both of you would stick together for eternity. This was my dream from the moment I lost my mother and always head dreaded of being alone and lonely. What now seems to be my future, after I lost, lost and lost again.
I know now such a Female most likely does not exist, or I never been lucky enough to meet or I did possible turned them bad by trusting, spoiling them by treating them to nice. The other possibility is the big hit by CindiLauper “girls just want to have fun” could be in fact true.
If I would and could be a Buddhist like Phuong, I would
not care about this live and prepare for the next one, to start all over again, but I think she is dreaming in believing that a god, would or could be so foolish to let her come again, to inflict more hurt and pain on people. I think she is very much mistaken. I rather prefer the Baha’i religion, it just makes more sense respecting any and all believes, but only in one wise and just god.
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As I was very young I did pray to god to send me a girl child someone I could love and spoil, he did and I’m forever very great full for that, but as soon I had to give her away I lost the bonus what did come with this girl, her mother who turned away from god and this destroyed the bond between her and me and I did lost my soul mate
I hope for her sake one day she will realize her enormous mistake and ask god by praying for forgiveness, for me much too late but for her own sake and to re-establish her relationship with her children and grandchildren to give her a pleasant and peaceful way of growing old.
Maybe Ve and Qua was the reason for my existence to be part of their life’s to help, guide and protect them till being save in to their adulthood. Than their mother who fancies herself to be a business women with the only skill for business she possesses, is her enormous love for money especially tax free money. Her actually Jobs she did, working as a kitchen hand and mostly as a machinist, both jobs being the poorest paid profession in any
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She has returned from Vietnam and what I did do? Nothing so far anyhow, we still living to gather or better say next to each other. So far I did not had the hart to demand what I legally own, half of everything as it would destroy her home, so we still live at the same place; in a love hate relationship I’m still very much in love with her she hates me for being old or that I own half of everything, whatever the reason? What I’m very sure that she is desperately waiting for my death to be free of me.-
When I get to depressed and lonely I think of my dad and my brothers and there terrible way of life what there had to endure to their end.
I got nothing to complain about. I’m free, alive and live in sunny Australia.
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I do accept that most people will let you down, and have a very low standard in morals and what I call a clear and good conscience and what has been a very important part of my live, is not what everybody else seem to want to have any part of, the greatest enemy of people lives is selfishness it seem to be a much more normal to human standard of behavior. I also realize it is very important to keep a very good sense of humor what is a lot easier as long your health is reasonable, I try to watch as many films and TV shows witch include comedy, I think it is very important to make yourself feel good and laugh at least a few time a day to be able, to stay healthy and sane.
Lost love, it’s like a fart you try too hard and force it, it will most likely turn in to shit. I know, a sick sense of Humor, but it’s true
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it’s also true that love and patience has limits, just expect and ask for too much and see!
I’m going to travel hope at my age to learn to live with myself and learn to be able to be alone without a partner what I really do not have anymore. First I be going to Germany to see my sisters now both alone after their partner have died not long ago, my older sister with an ten year older partner had been waiting for many years to be free and finally had her wish come true, but instead enjoying her freedom and travel having a good time she had been dreaming of, she sits at home, crying and missing him very much, people are strange? The old saying “people always cry and miss the past, the present no one appreciate and the future people are scared of”. After Germany I will spend some time in Vietnam I been there only once before but not alone, something new going to places I never seen, Hoping I will enjoy it at least I hope I will, as I’m intent to keep on traveling more after that. I have to do something with my life as I have no intention to die just to make others happy, I’m definitely not in a great hurry and try to learn to enjoy a single life.
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How can I ever forget what my brother in law Peter said and my wife’s boyfriend laughingly strongly applauding to it with no one objecting to what he said “that everybody would be a lot happier if I’m dead” with my wife very much defending them. Made me determent to life for a very long time if I can help it I just do not feel like making any of them HAPPY!
My BelievesI personal do value and respect any and all religions but I do not follow any in particular. I have been to all, but not very often to a Church, Synagogue or a Temple.
I believe we should respect all forms of live and try to help to preserve it were ever humanly possible. Most important is for me to live my life with a clear conscience, never treat others any different than I like to be treated or do things on to other I would not like to have done on to me.
I always forgive most anything, but never forget what I remember. I also believe to stand up for my right and defend the not so fortuned to do so, also believe we are all borne equal no mater of colour or race and all children are borne good only turn, due to poor, bad or no parenting.
I also believe that all Choices Have Consequences.....
my personal quotes out of my live:
“It is of great important to me to be able to live with my choices therefore I make only choices I can clear with my conscience”
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“I believe that we are all responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of everything we do or say in our lifetime”
“I believe we should use our head hart and conscience to
make choices and live with them, if we can! But never expect other to accept them or force them to live with our choices especially if there conscience cannot accept them”
“Choices we make reveal once true self and represent a mirror of our character to others”
E. G.
Christianity
is a religion teaches us to be kind and consider others;
throughout the history of Christianity many people had spent their lives serving god by helping others.
I often wondered what our world would be like without the people, who are willing to help others.
Buddhism
is not known as a religion to help others it is mostly centred on you, to prepare yourself for the next life, it is self-centred, selfish and full with self-glorification. You are the centre of existence and no one else matters.
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Takenfrom;Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
http://judaism.about.com/od/judaismbasics
/a/whatdojewsbelieve.htm
God : Judaism is a monotheistic faith, meaning that Jews believe there is only One God. Often this God is beyond our ability to comprehend, but God is nevertheless present in our everyday lives. How individual Jews choose to understand this manifestation of the divine varies. Some connect with God through prayer, others see the divine in the majesty of the natural world, others may not think about God on a daily basis. Each individual's relationship with God is unique and personal.
Humankind Was Created In the Divine Image Judaism teaches that every person (Jewish and non-Jewish) was created "b'tzelemElohim," which is Hebrew for "in the
image of God." For this reason every person is equally
important and has an infinite potential to do good in the world. People have the freewill to make choices in their lives and each of us is responsible for the consequences of those choices.
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I wrote my autobiography and finished it completely, than I searched in Google about Jewish believesand I realized
I do think like a Jew and being more Jewish as I thought,only possible, due to my Jewish birth heritage as I never had read or heard any of this written in Google previously,
but I always have thought that way especially the last sentence it is exactly the way I been living during my past life and me having a clear conscience being of a very great importance to me.
The proof there is more to it, than just my way of thinking,
my father could not have told me, as I was only 5 year old as he had to say goodbye. It even given me a very big surprise with a shiver down my Spain, word for word my personal idea and thoughts. A proof to me, I made the correct choices according to my Ancestors, without ever
being told and therefore I have no intention ever to change.
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